Tag Archives: awesome

Shin Godzilla (2016)

This version of Godzilla is very powerful!
This version of Godzilla is very powerful!

Starring Hiroki Hasegawa, Yutaka Takenouchi, Satomi Ishihara, Ren Ôsugi and Akira Emoto. Written by Hideaki Anno. Directed by Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi. Produced by Minami Ichikawa, Yoshihiro Satô, Masaya Shibusawa, Taichi Ueda and Kazutoshi Wadakura for Toho Pictures.  

Shin Godzilla poster

Toho put its Godzilla movie series on hold for a while after the release of the hugely entertaining Godzilla: Final Wars (2004), which was the final entry of the Millennium era. Toho eventually decided to shoot a new Godzilla flick in 2016, called Shin Godzilla, which was the first Japanese Godzilla movie of the Reiwa era. 

This version of Godzilla initially has large, unblinking fish-like eyes!
This iteration of Godzilla initially has large, unblinking, fish-like eyes!

Shin Godzilla was a huge critical and financial smash in Japan. However, some western fans complained about the amount of time that was spent in the film focusing on the politicians and bureaucrats trying to work out what to do as the crisis deepens, but I think that watching how all the many viewpoints, red tape and opinions swamped the decision makers added quite a bit of realism to the story.

I liked all the scenes of the authorities trying to work out what to do!
I liked all the scenes of the authorities trying to work out what to do!

The movie adds new twists to Godzilla’s lifecycle, with the creature evolving through different forms, which I really liked: you can’t just keep doing the same old schtick every time. In this iteration of Godzilla we see him transform from a low-sprawling aquatic beast to upright god-reptile. We watch him continually adapt, utilising atomic breath and then photon beams. Maybe old school Godzilla fans might not like this updating of his abilities, but I thought the ever-evolving powers and adaptations kept the story intriguing. Even the ending leaves viewers with a mystery: the last shot of Godzilla’s tail hints that an even weirder evolutionary step was underway within the great beast…

Shin Godzilla
Godzilla letting loose with photon beams!
Above: two shots showing Godzilla letting loose with photon beams!

The devastation shots of boats & debris being pushed down the river as a wreckage-wave effectively replicated real disaster imagery seen during the 2011 Japanese tsunami, and I liked the many scenes of Godzilla stomping through the city seen in extreme long shot, giving an expansive view of the creature’s progress through Tokyo.

Helicopters get ready to attack!
Helicopters get ready to attack!

Oh, and I loved the way the Japanese forces not only used tanks and jets and helicopters against Godzilla… they also utilised ‘train bombs’ too – cool!

Poster

You could argue that there were some odd design choices, like the early-stage googly fish eyes, for instance, but these strange, unblinking eyes do look quite unsettling!

The earlier-stage Godzilla has grotesquely-wobbling gills and freaky, staring eyes!
The earlier-stage Godzilla has grotesquely-wobbling gills and freaky, staring eyes!

Ultimately, there is a lot to enjoy with this version of Big G, who, once in adult form, looks quite different to his typical body shape, with very tiny eyes, a longer neck and jawbones that can detach, allowing his mouth to widen (Godzilla’s mouth can also really extend vertically). Not only is the Godzilla in this film quite a unique design, this great beast looks pretty damn scary and creepy too!

Little beady eyes and a mouth that's full of sharp teeth!
Little beady eyes and a mouth that’s full of sharp teeth!

Shin Godzilla was the first Japanese Godzilla to be rendered primarily through CGI, though he somehow retains a slight suitmation vibe, maybe because actor Mansai Nomura portrayed Godzilla through motion capture. 

This is a Godzilla film, so there's lots of devastation!
This is a Godzilla film, so there’s lots of devastation!

Shin Godzilla is a very fine Godzilla movie. ‘Nuff said!

Imaginator magazine’s Creature Feature Special is in the works!

Yes, you read that correctly: issue 9 of Imaginator is going to be a CREATURE FEATURE SPECIAL…

Here’s a taster of some of the interviews that will be in this issue…

Page 4
Christian Sesma interview page
Ken Barthelmey interview page
Jeff Lieberman interview spread

Also in this issue…

Steve Wang talks about creating the PREDATOR!

Chris Walas talks about creating his Oscar-winning makeup effects for THE FLY!

Veronica Cartwright talks about confronting the ALIEN!

There’s a chat with Michael Carter, who played Molasar in THE KEEP! The talented actor was also Bib Fortuna in RETURN OF THE JEDI and he was a very memorable victim of AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON!

Plus – actress Geretta Geratta is interviewed about her films DEMONS and RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR!

And there’s going to be so much more, including reviews of a bunch of monster movies, including these beauties…

Stay tuned for more updates!

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974)

Mechagodzilla gif
I could watch this gif all day…

Starring Masaaki Daimon, Kazuya Aoyama, Reiko Tajima and Akihiko Hirata. Written by Jun Fukuda and Hiroyasu Yamaura. Directed by Jun Fukuda. Produced by Tomoyuki Tanaka.

Cool poster
Cool poster

Also known as GODZILLA VS. BIONIC MONSTER and GODZILLA VS. COSMIC MONSTER, this kaiju flick came out to celebrate Godzilla’s 20th anniversary.

This poster is ace!
This poster is ace!

The movie presents us with our massive reptilian hero tackling his mechanical doppelgänger: Mechagodzilla! This marvellous, monstrous machine is controlled by alien ape-beings who come from a planet orbiting a black hole! Failing to beat his robo-twin in combat on his own, Godzilla is assisted by dog-faced Okinawan god-monster King Caesar (aka King Seeser). Godzilla’s beastly buddy Angiurus returns, and is now capable of leaping at his foes, leading to a very physical fight with Mechagodzilla!

Above: three colourful kaiju pics!
Above: three colourful kaiju pics!

Mecha-G is definitely the stand-out element in this film, with the robo-beast firing rockets from its fingers, discharging lightning bolts from its chest, emitting colourful beams from its eyes, and creating whirling forcefields with its spinning metal head! Woot!

Mechagodzilla gif
Mechagodzilla and King Caesar gif

The fights in GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA are really enjoyable, full of multiple explosions and animated power beams. Even Mechagodzilla’s knees are lethal, as they are capable of firing projectiles at Godzilla and King Caesar! 

Godzilla and his robotic nemesis!
Godzilla and his robotic nemesis!

This film is fun, fun, fun! The ape-aliens look goofy, goofy, goofy! And Mechagodzilla is cool, cool, cool! No wonder the titanium terror went on to become one of Godzilla’s most popular foes.

Criterion Collection artwork for the movie

Rawhead Rex (1986)

Yikes! It's Rawhead Rex!
Yikes! It’s Rawhead Rex!

Starring David Dukes, Kelly Piper, Hugh O’Conor, Cora Venus Lunny, Ronan Wilmot, Niall Toibin, Niall O’Brien and Heinrich von Schellendorf. Written by Clive Barker. Directed by George Pavlou. Produced by Kevin Attew, Don Hawkins, David Collins, Al Burgess and Paul Gwynn. Alpine Pictures/Green Man Productions

4K Blu-ray cover
4K Blu-ray cover
There's something nasty lurking beneath this standing stone...
There’s something nasty lurking beneath this standing stone…

An American author, Howard Hallenbeck (Dukes), travels around Ireland with his family, doing research for his book focusing on the persistence of sacred sites. The Hallenbecks are staying in a small village, where Howard is checking out the local church’s intriguing stained glass panels, when an enraged, toothsome monster is released from beneath an ancient menhir.

The demonic creature depicted in the stained glass is no mere myth...
The demonic creature depicted in the stained glass is no mere myth…

This beast goes on the rampage, and one of the creature’s victims is Howard’s son, provoking the upset & angry author to seek out a way to destroy the monster, but there are those, including the church’s rector, Declan O’Brien, who regard the critter as a pagan god…

A dentist's nightmare!
A dentist’s nightmare!

RAWHEAD REX started life as a short story included in Volume Three of Clive Barker’s BOOKS OF BLOOD anthology series. The original story is set in Kent, and features a folkloric humanoid monster, a kind of raw-fleshed, ferocious personification of hyper-toxic-masculinity. This berserk, barbaric boogeyman devours innocent children and violates women, though the brutal man-beast has an aversion to pregnant females and those who are menstruating: they cause a sense of fear within the ancient, feral being. Barker wrote the screenplay for the film adaptation, but he was pretty dissatisfied with the way the movie eventually turned out, prompting him to direct the next movie version of one of his stories himself, that film being HELLRAISER (1987), based on Barker’s novella THE HELLBOUND HEART.

Artwork for the Arrow Video Blu-ray release

Okay, I can fully understand why Clive Barker felt let down by the cinematic representation of his original yarn. There was no way George Pavlou’s low budget flick was going to live up to the impactful, visceral tone and atmosphere of Barker’s source material. I really like that original story, it’s one of my favourite Barker tales. And yet…   

…I believe that this film is definitely in need of reappraisal!

Maybe this sounds like I’m damning the movie with faint praise when I say that the practical effects monster on show here is better than so much of the cheap CGI dross churned out over the last couple of decades, but I do mean this as a compliment. Sure, Rawhead Rex’s scowling face doesn’t have an awful lot of different facial expressions, but it’s still damn satisfying to see an actual creature suit being used, something that is really there, really in the scenes! I love the fact this beast-man is basically a big, leather-clad humanoid monster with a huge maw full of teeth!

It's Rawhead Rex!
It’s Rawhead Rex!

The special effects team had a frantic four week deadline to create the Rawhead Rex creature: a body suit, with an animatronic monster head for close-ups, brought the snarling monster to life in the movie. And, by god, it works just fine!

Roaring, rubbery wonderfulness!
Roaring, rubbery wonderfulness!

The film is not as transgressive as the short story, but it is enthusiastically gory, and there is a lot of fun/cool stuff to look out for, like the great shot of Rawhead standing on a hill holding aloft a severed head, his beastly breath illuminated as he exhales. And then there’s the attack on the caravan park: faces are slashed and boobs get revealed as the wild, primal creature runs amok! And let’s not forget the blasphemous baptism scene (taken from the original story), where Rawhead bathes the kneeling Declan O’Brien with its urine!

Rawhead rampages through a caravan park!
Rawhead rampages through a caravan park!
Irish coppers go up in flames!
Irish coppers go up in flames!

O’Brien tells his boss, Reverend Coot, that Rawhead Rex is a god, a deity that was here long before Christ: before civilisation, Rawhead was the king of this place. Later on, O’Brien utters a classic line as he forces Coot to meet the deadly Rawhead: “Get upstairs, fuckface, I can’t keep god waiting!”

gory scene!

The barechested, muscled Rawhead (played by Heinrich von Schellendorf) has glowing red eyes, which have the ability to overwhelm the minds of some victims (the creature doesn’t have this power in the original story). “For you!” Says a burning cop, who has become one of Rawhead’s acolytes, as he immolates his fellow officers!

Beware the glowing red eyes!
Beware the glowing red eyes!

Salvation is hidden within the church’s altar, in the form of a small, stone earth-goddess-style idol, which a woman must wield, leading to an optical FX-drenched showdown, as Howard’s wife Elaine (Piper) uses the idol to unleash supernatural forces to drive Rawhead back into the ground. This is a colourful, rousing fantasy-horror finale!

Time for some magic!
Time for some magic!

Honestly, I don’t believe RAWHEAD REX deserves the derision levelled at it from many critics. It is an unpretentious, cheesy-but-satisfying, 80s-tastic entertainment, a B-movie that makes sure its rampaging, rubbery, rockin’, rampant god-beast is given a lot of time on screen! And for that I respect it!  

A toothy titan of terror!
A toothy titan of terror!

Drained (2024)

A bloody romance

Starring Ruaridh Aldington, Madalina Bellariu Ion, Craig Conway, Angela Dixon, Andrew Lyle-Pinnock, Natasha Patel, Andrew Lee Potts, Timothy Blore, Kenton Lloyd Morgan, Ayvianna Snow, Sean Earl McPherson and Matteo Pasquini.
Written by Peter Stylianou.
Directed by Peter Stylianou and Sean Cronin.
Produced by Sean Cronin, Peter Stylianou and Daniel Patrick Vaughan.
House54/Magnificent Films/RG Films/Red Guerilla Films

poster

A young, jobless artist becomes obsessively attracted to a seductive woman he encounters at a London club, and he finds himself unable to stop seeing the woman, even after he discovers that she’s a vampire intent on feeding from him daily, draining him slowly…

Thomas' time spent with Rhea can be draining...
Thomas’ time spent with Rhea can be very draining…

The filmmakers do wonders with the budget available to them here, crafting a satisfying modern vampire tale. The protagonist’s relationship with his vampire lover effectively shows how romantic entanglements can be very needy and one-sided, ultimately becoming toxic for the obsessed partner. And in the case of this romance, it is literally a draining experience for the boyfriend, as he offers up his blood to keep his girlfriend satiated.

Madalina Bellariu Ion is Rhea the vampire
Madalina Bellariu Ion is Rhea the vampire
Ruaridh Aldington is Thomas

Ruaridh Aldington is a revelation here as the initially rather pathetic Thomas, an aimless young guy living at home with his mum, who falls head over heels for the sultry vampire Rhea, played nicely in a coldly no-nonsense manner by Romanian actress Madalina Bellariu Ion. The film’s success really depends upon Aldington making his character work, because Thomas is a pretty unprepossessing, ambition-free dude when we first meet him at the start of the film, as he masturbates in his bedroom, takes his mother’s hospitality for granted, and refuses to make any effort to get to know his mother’s new boyfriend. But, thanks to Aldington’s subtly persuasive acting here, we do start to care for Thomas as he navigates as best he can through his problematic relationship with Rhea.

Good actors can convey everything just with their eyes. Ruaridh Aldington is one of those actors
Good actors can convey everything just with their eyes. Ruaridh Aldington is one of those actors

DRAINED has its own specific vampire rules. These include Rhea’s ability to fly and move super-quick when she wants to, she can walk about in the daytime (but she does like the sky to be cloudy, hence why she moved to London), she prefers to not fully drain and kill her victims if she can help it, but she must battle increased predatory urges during the full moon. Rhea needs to be invited into a person’s home, she likes to feed from arms rather than necks, and she is attracted to the blood of certain people – and it turns out that Thomas has just that type of blood, drawing Rhea to him.

“So, can I come in?”

This last point helps prevent the central relationship from being totally unequal: Rhea keeps coming back to Thomas because his blood is a little different, so they do share a mutual addiction (Thomas gets some kind of supernatural buzz from being fed upon), but it is definitely Rhea who has the upper hand in the relationship. As Thomas’ health begins to deteriorate, and he tries to break free, matters become more serious, and people die. 

Don't get on the wrong side of Rhea...
Don’t get on the wrong side of Rhea…

There are some bloody scenes, but the film isn’t particularly gory. Rather than depending on show-stopping bouts of carnage, DRAINED keeps you watching because Aldington manages to make you care about his character’s plight. The script dodges the pitfall of becoming a typical vampire romance by being more honest about Rhea’s part in the ‘romance’: she never bullshits about being truly in love, and she openly admits to Thomas that it’s his blood that she needs on a very regular basis.

Vampire victims in this film always have puncture marks on their arms
Vampire victims in this film always have puncture marks on their arms

With Thomas becoming a prime murder suspect, then finding himself on meds in a mental institution for a while, you’d be forgiven for assuming DRAINED must be quite dour and depressing, but it isn’t, thanks to the way it is filmed and acted, and because there’s a vein of humour threaded through the movie that lightens the atmosphere, a lot of it stemming from Thomas’ interactions with his mother’s new partner John, a local pest control expert, played by Craig Conway.  The film also finds time to show that Rhea does have feelings after all, as she stays connected with her previous lover Andreas (Pasquini), who is severely ill. The inclusion of Andreas, whom Rhea refers to as her Old Man, also helps to drive home to Thomas (and the viewers) that this is what happens to anyone who stays too long with Rhea: they’ll be emotionally and physically sucked dry by her.

Thomas ends up in a mental ward
Thomas ends up in a mental ward
Craig Conway is John the exterminator, out to rid Thomas' mother's home of pests (and hopefully Thomas too)
Craig Conway is John the exterminator, out to rid Thomas’ mother’s home of pests (and hopefully Thomas too)
poster

The cinematography by Daniel Patrick Vaughan is top-notch, the music score really enhances the film, and good story choices are made throughout by writer Peter Stylianou. Stylianou also co-directs the movie with Sean Cronin, who gets to play a SWAT captain during the finale!

A SWAT team is called in!
A SWAT team is called in!

Go and give this a watch, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

She wants your blood…
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Demon of the Lute (1983)

Starring Chin Siu-Ho, Kara Wai, Philip Kwok, Kei Kong-Hung, Jason Pai Piao, Yuen Tak and Lung Tien-Hsiang.  
Written and directed by Lung I-Sheng.
Produced by Mona Fong for Shaw Brothers.

Feng Ling (Wai) is sent by her master to locate the special fiery bow and arrows that are the only treasures that can stop a mystery villain from using the lethal Six-Stringed Demonic Lute to wreak havoc everywhere. Along the way she teams-up with her brother Old Naughty (Tak), a likeable thief (Kwok) and his son, a good guy called Yuan Fei (Siu-Ho) and a powerful martial artist known as the Woodcutter (Tien-Hsiang).

This dude's got a huge chopper!
This dude’s got a huge chopper!

DEMON OF THE LUTE’s director, Lung I-Sheng (aka Tang Tak-Cheung), was primarily an actor in the Hong Kong film industry. He was also a martial arts director on many films, and he was the action designer on the very wild BUDDHA’S PALM (1982). This fantasy wuxia, you’ll be pleased to know, is equally over the top! It really is lots of fun, crammed with loads and loads of exotic characters! Let’s look at just some of them: there’s Red Haired Evil, who rides a small chariot drawn by german shepherd dogs and hurls his Thunder Flying Wheel weapon like a frisbee, Eagle Man, who can flap his costume’s wings to fly like a bird, Long Limb Evil, who can super-extend his arm, and Fatty Elf, who can entangle folks in his lengthy beard.

Red Haired Evil, riding his chariot pulled by dogs!
Red Haired Evil, riding his chariot pulled by dogs!
Eagle Man!
Eagle Man!
Watch out for Fatty Elf's super-long beard!
Watch out for Fatty Elf’s super-long beard!

One of my favourite fantastical characters in this outlandish fight flick is Skinny Elf, who has a misshapen forehead – he likes to sit on the hero’s shoulders and can’t be shaken off!

Above: two pics of Skinny Elf!
Above: two pics of Skinny Elf!

Utter strangeness abounds throughout this production, with warriors erupting from a giant silver ball, Feng Ling using her rainbow sword like a guided missile, a horseless wagon whizzing around with the deadly lute inside, some trees momentarily becoming monsters, Old Naughty riding his horse backwards, and a kitschy killer lute that glows with LED strip lights when it’s played.

Monster trees attack!
Monster trees attack!
The lethal magic lute's strings are made from dinosaur ligaments!
The lethal magic lute’s strings are made from dinosaur ligaments!

Though some of the music and on-screen antics become rather too childish (this film dedicates itself to children in the opening credits), DEMON OF THE LUTE has much to offer, including Kei Kong-Hung, who is surprisingly good as the thief’s plucky young son Xiao Ding Dong.

I dig that hairdo!
I dig this hairdo!

Let’s end this review with another look at Skinny Elf…

Handsome he ain't!
Handsome he ain’t!

A Ballad About Green Wood (1983)

This stop-motion crow ain't nice!
This stop-motion crow ain’t nice!

Written and directed by Jirí Barta. Music by Vladimír Merta. Art direction by Lenka Kerelová. Cinematography by Jan Vycítal. Edited by Helena Lebdusková.
Produced by Krátký Film Praha and Studio Jirího Trnky.

Stump on a bonfire

This short film from Czechoslovakia uses a mixture of live action and stop motion.

The movie begins with close-up shots of an axe chopping into logs. One log splits into multiple pieces of wood, some of which have faces. These wooden sticks rush about the landscape, seemingly elated that spring is coming, with the stop-motion footage intermixed with time-lapse photography of seeds germinating and the ice receding. 

This stick has a woman's face
This stick has a woman’s face

The wooden stick with a maiden’s face is attacked by a crow, which pecks the stick to pieces and swallows the splinters.

The crow attacks the lady-stick!
The crow attacks the lady-stick!

The stop-motion crow now turns into a creepy, skull-faced, winged piece of wood. This weird log-thing flies over the countryside, enters a cavern lit by candles, and roosts upside down like a bat, becoming an icicle. Sunlight enters the cave and the icicle becomes the death-faced stump again, which fights a wooden carving of a knight on a horse. The knight wins!  

The crow turns into this evil stick!
The crow turns into this evil stick!
The winged stick-monster flies over the woods
The winged stick-monster flies over the woods
This heroic piece of wood is shaped like a knight on a horse!
This heroic piece of wood is shaped like a knight on a horse!

The other sticks carry the winged, skull-headed piece of wood aloft and place it atop a bonfire on a hill. Then, instead of burning the bonfire, a stick with the maiden’s face uses a newly-grown leaf to make the bonfire burst into a flurry of spring growth, with long blades of green grass consuming the monster-branch, transforming it into a normal piece of wood once more. 

The crow-stick is engulfed by a 'bonfire' of fresh grass
The crow-stick is engulfed by a ‘bonfire’ of fresh grass

Jirí Barta’s sweet-and-sinister short is inspired by Vesna, a female character from Slavic mythology, who is associated with rituals conducted in rural areas during springtime. Here she is represented as the wooden stick with a maiden’s face that is consumed by the black crow, then returns anew to ignite the return of spring, as symbolised by the bonfire of rapidly-growing grass. 

The branch-of-badness is swamped by the blades of grass.,..
The branch-of-badness is swamped by the blades of grass.,..
...and it becomes a normal piece of wood again, which sprouts fresh leaves
…and it becomes a normal piece of wood again, which sprouts fresh leaves

The yarn, which possesses a typically surreal Eastern European folktale vibe, begins in an upbeat manner, turns darker with the arrival of the crow-stump-creature, then seemingly becomes upbeat again after the (ritualistic-looking) ‘burning’ of the winged branch transforms it into a regular stick again, which starts to grow fresh leaves. This would be the happy ending, right? But Barta chooses to finish the story by showing the sticks being collected by a villager to be used as firewood. The final shot is of smoke issuing from a chimney! The end!

The stop-motion animation of the sticks and the puppet crow was done outside, on location in the Bohemian Forest, the High Tatras, and the Koněprusy Caves. 

The animation was filmed on location in the outside environment
The animation was filmed on location in the outside environment

Barta’s other short films include THE VANISHED WORLD OF GLOVES (1982), THE PIED PIPER (1986), THE LAST THEFT (1987) and THE CLUB OF THE LAID OFF (1989).

The crow-stump of doom!
The crow-stump of doom!

Graveyard Shark (2024)

Stephanie Ward plays Abby the cryptid hunter
Stephanie Ward plays Abby the cryptid hunter

Starring Stephanie Ward, Michael John Gilbert, Berndele March, Ryan Santiago, Madisen Zabawa, Olivia Walton and Olga N. Bogdanova. Written and directed by Matthew A. Peters. Produced by Joe Cappelli, Avery Guerra, Ainslee Looman, Anthony Clark Pierce, Brandon Wheeler, Sifundo Nene and Brandon Wheeler.
Mad Angel Films 

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A toothy humanoid creature known as the Graveyard Shark is said to be responsible for the disappearances of various people in the backwater town of Willsboro Point. Abby Wescott (Ward), a wannabe cryptid hunter, is called in to uncover the bloody truth behind these events. Accompanied by her assistant Greg (Gilbert), Abby eventually teams-up with local oddball Captain Seyburn (March) and members of a Graveyard Shark survivors counselling group. Even though the local shades-wearing sheriff (Santiago) says that the Graveyard Shark is just some local folklore nonsense, the critter proves to be all too real when it bloodily attacks a busty, tattooed female deputy whilst she’s enjoying a sex session with her colleague near the latest crime scene! Abby and her allies finally face-off against the creature (one of the counselling group women actually gets it on with the brute!), and the identity of the person who has been secretly helping the blue-skinned beast is revealed…  

Graveyard Shark stalks through the foliage
Graveyard Shark stalks through the foliage
One of the characters strokes Graveyard Shark's abs...
One of the characters strokes Graveyard Shark’s abs…

GRAVEYARD SHARK is a movie that most definitely doesn’t take itself seriously. The folks behind this knew (I hope) what their limitations were, so they proceeded to deliver a film full of dumb humour, copious amounts of spraying blood, stupid dialogue, boobs and a big beast.

The hammer-headed mutant rips out a human heart!
The hammer-headed mutant rips out a human heart!

The film’s lighting and cinematography is on par with the general acting quality, which is to say that it’s all strictly amateur hour level. And yet… the filmmakers are obviously having fun, and this adds to the viewing experience. So, when we get the creature’s origin story, we can be sure that it will be a really stupid, stupid, stupid (but fun) origin story! You see, this muscled monster is the result of a union between eccentric loner Captain Seyburn… and a mermaid of colour that Seyburn encountered in a swamp! The whole backstory is explained to Abby as she sits with Seyburn in a diner. Seyburn describes, with the help of flashbacks, how he met a ‘fine-ass mermaid’ and they had comical intercourse which seemed to consist of Seyburn just grinding his groin against the underside of the mermaid’s tail. As Seyburn climaxes in his flashback, the film cuts to a shot of him in the diner, pouring melted butter all over a cooked lobster. Subtle this ain’t! 

Captain Seyburn (Berndele March) talks with Abby...
Captain Seyburn (Berndele March) talks with Abby…
...and he divulges what happened when he met a mermaid in a swamp
…and he divulges what happened when he met a mermaid in a swamp

Abby learns from Captain Seyburn that the mermaid had returned with a love child, asking him for money to raise their lil’ shark-headed nipper, but Seyburn killed the siren with a shovel instead, burying her and the baby in the cemetery. But, somehow, the tiny mutant shark had clung to life and now it dwells in the graveyard…

Don't trust this dude
Don’t trust this dude

This film really is a dumbass nonsense-fest, with such silly scenes as a dream sequence in which Abby gets high and romps in bed with a bigfoot, who is actually Greg in a costume. But I felt compelled to keep watching anyway, in large part because the movie’s titular monster is brought to the screen via the old school method of using a monster suit!

Graveyard Shark claims a victim!
Graveyard Shark claims a victim!

The Graveyard Shark creature has a buff, musclebound humanoid body that is topped with a toothy hammerhead shark face! I’m just a sucker for practical effects creatures, even when it is a cartoony, cheesy-but-cool costume like this one! This hammer-headed fishy freak, designed by Anthony Clark Pierce, is far preferable to the sub-par CGI effects seen in most low-price b-movies of a similar budget, that’s for sure.

This monster looks like he's been down the gym!
This monster looks like he’s been down the gym!

Many of the monster attacks are shot in a very similar fashion, with the suitmation actor (Brandon Wheeler) shoving the costume’s shark head against the current victim’s neck, as blood is pumped everywhere. Though the results are samey, they are bloody, and there’s the occasional disembowelment of a victim added to the mix too.

A cop gets ripped up!
A cop gets ripped up!
Counsellor Dr. Jan Lovnik (Olga N. Bogdanova) is disemboweled!
Counsellor Dr. Jan Lovnik (Olga N. Bogdanova) is disemboweled!

GRAVEYARD SHARK is, without a doubt, a shoddy, cheapo production, which leaps at any chance to include some nekkid flesh and includes a lot of crass ‘humorous’ chat about going down on mermaids. But the film does end with a fight between the rubbery Graveyard Shark and a fuzzy werewolf! Yes, you read that correctly: it turns out that Greg is actually a man-wolf! This monster suit showdown is slapdash and, of course, pretty enjoyable, with the werewolf costume’s yellow-green eyes glowing so brightly they sometimes look like twin torch beams shining in the mist! So I kinda liked this flick anyway – sue me!

Above: some shots from the film!
Above: some shots from the film!

The Pale Door (2020)

Zachary Knighton is pretty good in the role of gang boss Duncan
Zachary Knighton is pretty good in the role of gang boss Duncan

Starring Zachary Knighton, Devin Druid, Stan Shaw, Bill Sage, Melora Walters, Noah Segan, Pat Healy, Tina Parker, Natasha Bassett, Darryl Cox and Jennifer Rader. Written by Cameron Burns, Aaron B. Koontz and Keith Lansdale. Directed by Aaron B. Koontz, produced by Cameron Burns, Roman Dent and James Norrie.
Paper Street Pictures/Storyteller Media/BondIt Media Capital/Title Media.

'It was the perfect score, but hell was their reward'
‘It was the perfect score, but hell was their reward’

After a member of his gang dies during a gun duel, Duncan (Knighton) begrudgingly allows his nice guy brother Jake (Druid) to make up the numbers for an upcoming train robbery. The outlaws (rather ruthlessly) kill all the Pinkertons guarding a locked chest in one of the carriages… but there’s no cash or gold inside it, instead there’s a young woman called Pearl (Bassett). This girl explains that she was abducted, and she tells the gang there’ll be a big reward if they take her back home, to a place called Potemkin. The outlaws decide this is the only way they can make any money now, so they head for this out of the way township. But they need to hurry, as their leader Duncan has been badly wounded and he’s in urgent need of medical attention. Once they do reach Potemkin, the place seems to be deserted at first, but Pearl leads the outlaws to a brothel, which is packed with friendly prostitutes. But these working ladies are not what they seem to be…

Natasha Bassett plays Pearl
Natasha Bassett plays Pearl
The brothel's madam, Maria (Melora Walters), is Pearl's mother
The brothel’s madam, Maria (Melora Walters), is Pearl’s mother

THE PALE DOOR really struggles at the beginning to properly paint a convincing picture of the time and place the story is meant to be set in. There’s a one-on-one gunfight scene, for instance, that in no way looks like it’s happening back in the late 1800s. It actually resembles something you’d see at a wild west historical re-enactment event. It just ain’t very convincing, pardner. I’m assuming that cash was really tight during the filming of these earlier sequences, but the filmmakers must’ve gotten themselves a little more money later on, as the movie does improve if you stick with it.  

This is a nice shot
This is a nice shot

And the point at which the enjoyment levels of this film ratchet upwards occurs when the secret of Potemkin (which is kind of like a horror film version of Brigadoon) is finally revealed: all the feminine denizens of the brothel are, in actuality, ancient witches! And they’re not just your normal, average witches – these are blackened-skinned, crone-faced, scampering hags. They’re great! These hook-nosed, pointy-chinned occult harridans can defy gravity as they scuttle upside down on the ceiling, they frequently zip about in an animalistic fashion on all fours, and bullets don’t seem to keep ’em dead for long!

Witches on the loose!
Witches on the loose!
Hey, dude, there's an undead hag on the ceiling behind you!
Hey, dude, there’s an undead hag on the ceiling behind you!

With better direction from Aaron B. Koontz, and an injection of additional funding, THE PALE DOOR might have had a chance of becoming a much more memorable horror-action-western. Maybe my expectations had been set higher than they should’ve been because I’d spotted Joe R. Lansdale (BUBBA HO-TEP, COLD IN JULY) credited as one of the film’s executive producers, though perhaps he was involved in view of the fact his son Keith is one of the writers. As it is, the quality of the acting varies a lot (Devin Druid has a cool-sounding name, but his thespian skills ain’t so hot), and better lighting in some of the scenes definitely would’ve helped matters. But, hey, the film (which was partly shot in Rollins Creek Old West Town, located outside of Guthrie, Oklahoma) does manage to gradually become better and better as it progresses, thanks to a satisfying score from Alex Cuervo, the inclusion of folk horror-style costumes that mix long cloaks with a variety of horned animal skulls, and a novel death scene involving a crow emerging beak-first from a victim’s bloody mouth.

Above: a couple of shots of the witches kitted out in their folk horror-style gear
Above: a couple of shots of the witches kitted out in their folk horror-style gear

There’s a topsy-turvy sequence in a church, which involves one of the outlaws being mysteriously compelled to mutilate himself, a fleeting deluge of blood, plus several Puritan-era flashbacks, and two burning-at-the-stake scenes (which are obligatory for witch-themed flicks, right?)   

The cool, off-kilter church scene
The cool, off-kilter church scene
A witch-burning flashback
A witch-burning flashback
Disemboweled in the bordello!
Disemboweled in the bordello!

The way in which the gang members brutally murder the Pinkerton detectives during the locomotive robbery (including some spurs-in-the-mouth violence) hardly makes these people an appealing bunch to root for (only Jake is not a die-hard killer), but attempts are made to garner sympathy for the outlaws once they come under threat in Potemkin, and some of the heartfelt melodrama between brothers Duncan and Jake featured in the film’s later stages is not totally without merit, aided as it is by Cuervo’s music. But, let’s be honest, it’s definitely the confrontations with the swarms of grimy, raggedy, semi-undressed, burnt-bodied witches that are the standout portions of this production, including one shot where a witch lurches out of a puddle of blood during a downpour. The outlaws-vs-witches-in-a-brothel set piece is without doubt the movie’s best sequence, so lets spare a moment to acknowledge the contributions made by Krista Perry, Shannon Beshears and Jennifer Rader: they were the film’s ‘Stunt witches’!

Above: two shots of the wicked witches
Above: two shots of the wicked witches

Let’s finish with another look at one of the skull-faced costumes worn by the witches…

Niiiiiiiiice...
Niiiiiiiiice…

The Wyrm of Bwlch Pen Barras (2023)

Starring Bryn Fôn, Morgan Hopkins, Sean Carlsen, Victoria Pugh and Morgan Llewelyn-Jones. Written and directed by Craig Williams. Produced by Julien Allen for Two Draig Films.

'Fate will unwind as it must'
‘Fate will unwind as it must’

When Gwyn (Fôn) gets an early morning phone call, it’s obvious he is being informed about something that is serious, and it’s also clearly an occurrence that has happened before. What seems to concern Gwyn and his wife Anwen (Pugh) most is the fact that this event has started sooner this time around..

Gwyn gets an unwelcome call
Gwyn gets an unwelcome call

We follow Gwyn as he fetches items hidden in his attic, makes another call, then heads out to pick up the two other members of his team, Emlyn (Hopkins) and Dai (Carlsen). These men drive over to a farm, where they physically attack and subdue Dafydd (Llewelyn-Jones), who they shove into the boot of their car. They drive Dafydd to Bwlch Pen Barras mountain, get him out of the vehicle, and lead him further up the slope. The young captive’s wrists are tethered to a tree branch with rope, black markings are applied to Dafydd’s face, and Gwyn calls out to the Queen of the Mountain as something horrible happens to Dafydd off-screen…

Dafydd is the latest sacrifice...
Dafydd is the latest sacrifice…

This short Welsh movie, shot on nicely-grainy Kodak Super 16mm film, purposefully leaves a lot of details unanswered, so viewers must fill in the blanks themselves. Just what is it that has happened sooner this time? How are the sacrificial victims chosen? Is this a ritual tradition that has been undertaken by multiple generations of Gwyn’s family? 

Poster

The film’s title is the main clue to explain what is actually occurring in the story: the word ‘Wyrm’ relates to dragons, such as the one featured in the Anglo-Saxon poem Beowulf. A red dragon, of course, is the most prominent symbol of Wales and it is included on the kingdom’s flag. Though the legendary creature is a symbol of national pride in Wales, in local myths dragons can have a more ambiguous or infernal significance. Writer-director Craig Williams has said in an interview that there are still folk stories which carry symbolic weight today in which dragons protect villages for a price, and he explained that he wanted to draw on that idea in the context of a horror film. 

Some viewers will be frustrated that the finale refrains from actually showing the creature: THIS IS A MONSTER-RELATED MOVIE THAT DOESN’T SHOW THE MONSTER! But, though I can sympathise with that opinion, I found some tasty tidbits to savour throughout this folk-horror-urban-fantasy’s brief running time, including the sweetly unnerving opening music by Dafydd Ieuan & Cian Ciarán (of the band Super Furry Animals). The overall no-nonsense vibe of the piece is the film’s main selling point, as it depicts the average Joe characters going about their business in a down-to-earth manner. Gwyn is very restrained and world-weary, Emlyn is rather fretful, out of shape, and is evidently content to follow Gwyn’s lead, whilst Dai likes to act the hard man, obviously getting a kick out of what he’s doing.

Above: Gwyn, Emlyn and Dai
Above – shots of the protagonists (top to bottom): Gwyn, Emlyn and Dai

THE WYRM OF BWLCH PEN BARRAS was originally shot as two versions, one in English and one in Welsh. But it soon became apparent to Williams, during the postproduction process, that the Welsh version felt far richer and seemed more true to the material, so that was the one the director submitted to film festivals.

Gnarled trees

This unflashy short film acts almost like an extract from some larger work, and it poses enough questions (Why has the Wyrm’s need for a sacrifice become more regular? When will the rituals not be enough?) to make me want to see them answered in a more substantial follow-up movie – and hopefully a sequel would put the scaly ‘Queen of the Mountain’ on screen!

We didn't get to see what attacked Dafydd in this film. If there's a sequel we want to see the dragon!
We didn’t get to see what attacked Dafydd in this film. If there’s a sequel we want to see the dragon!