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Unmade Conan the Barbarian Movies!

May 5, 2024 Ken Miller 4 Comments

Early concept study of Conan fighting the tentacle-faced monster Yug-Ommog — PEOPLE OF THE SERPENT concept study, depicting Conan fighting the tentacle-faced monster Yug-Ommog

The first Conan movie to reach the screen, of course, was John (RED DAWN) Milius’ awesome R-rated CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982), which starred Arnold Schwarzenegger, was written by Milius and Oliver Stone, and boasted a stunning soundtrack composed by Basil Poledouris.

This movie was a big success and was followed by CONAN THE DESTROYER (1984), which was originally written by Marvel Comics scribes Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway, who had wanted the sequel’s finale to be really epic, featuring a stop-motion, winged demon. But it was decided to make DESTROYER a PG movie, it was rewritten by Stanley (FIRESTARTER) Mann, and, to save on money, the stop-motion flying demon became the man-in-suit monster Dagoth, played by Andre The Giant. A script for CONAN III, a sequel to CONAN THE DESTROYER, was written by Karl Wagner, but the flick never got any traction. Another Conan movie, however, did manage to successfully bypass development hell years later and reached cinemas everywhere. This was CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011), starring Jason Momoa, a movie I’ve just never been very keen on. But, hey, everyone has their own views concerning the pros and cons of these three produced Conan films. What I find really interesting are the other Conan projects that DIDN’T get made.

So let’s delve into these unproduced Conan movies now. If any of the projects featured creatures in them we’ll definitely take a close look at these beasties (because this is the Monster Zone blog, right?)

MILTON SUBOTSKY’S CONAN

Milton Subotsky, famous for producing such horror films as TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972) and FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE (1974), actually attempted to purchase film rights to Robert E. Howard’s Conan the Barbarian stories a long time before they were acquired by Hollywood, but Subotsky ended up buying the rights to Lin Carter’s Thongor stories in 1976 instead. Subotsky had never planned to make his Conan film too violent and bloody, so perhaps it was a good thing that he didn’t acquire the Conan stories and decided to do an adaptation of Carter’s novel The Wizard of Lemuria. The project, called THONGOR IN THE VALLEY OF DEMONS, was bankrolled by United Artists – and preproduction drawings were made and a stop-motion monster puppet was built – but UA then withdrew from the project… and THONGOR was no more.

Subotsky was considering casting David Prowse as Conan — Subotsky was considering casting David (STAR WARS) Prowse as Conan

CONAN THE CONQUEROR

This would have been a Raffaella De Laurentiis production, written by Charles (THE FLY) Pogue. It looked like there was every possibility this film would get made, but Arnold Schwarzenegger ultimately never committed to the project, which was subsequently reworked to become the cheesy-but-sorta-watchable KULL THE CONQUEROR (1997), starring Kevin Sorbo as Howard’s Atlantean hero. Pogue’s version of the script would have featured a shark attack sequence.

KING CONAN: CROWN OF IRON

A script, detailing Conan having a son and becoming King of Zingara, was written by John (THE WIND AND THE LION) Milius.

A sample page from the script — A sample page from the Milius script

The film would have been produced by the Wachowskis, who were still hot from their success with THE MATRIX. But the Wachowskis lost interest in the project, then Robert Rodriguez became connected to the production, though John Milius also departed the film, and, eventually, chances of the movie getting made evaporated after Rodriguez found himself juggling too many projects and was unable to commit to it. The film would’ve featured… the Ice Worm!

Cover page of John Milius' script — Cover page of John Milius’ script

IRON SHADOWS

This low budget project actually went into production!

'Coming soon'. Yeah, right — ‘Coming soon’. Yeah, right

The film, based on the Robert E Howard 1934 story Iron Shadows in the Moon (aka Shadows in the Moonlight), started shooting in Thailand, a country where a small budget can definitely go further. The fact that the original story was not too epic in scale also ensured that the production had a chance of putting something interesting on screen. Starring Pasi Schalin in the role of Conan, IRON SHADOWS was produced by George (CINEMA OF VENGEANCE) Tan and directed by Kit Mallet… in 3D!

Thinking that there would be no copyright issues because the original Conan story was in the public domain, the filmmakers got a nasty surprise when they received a cease and desist letter from the Conan rights-holders. The production ground to a halt, but some of the footage that had been shot can be found online.

Pasi Schalin wearing Southeast Asian-looking warrior garb

The original Howard story featured a fight between Conan and a grey man-ape, a gang of pirates and living statues. A fanged, Grinch-faced man-ape costume was created for the film, and shots were taken of it on location.

Publicity shot of Andrea Stefancikova, the grey man-ape, and Pasi Schalin

Be careful, Conan, there's a grey man-ape lying down on the other side of that boulder... — Be careful, Conan, there’s a grey man-ape lying down by that boulder…

Here are two behind the scenes shots of the grey man-ape…

Above: the two pics of the man-ape show that he kind of resembled a 'bigfoot' — Above: the two pics of the man-ape show that he kind of resembled a ‘bigfoot’

Some screenshots from the IRON SHADOWS footage…

Above: three shots from the unfinished film. The bottom image shows Toby Russell (son of Ken Russell) playing an ivory-skinned god who comes down to Earth during a flashback scene. — Above: three shots from the unfinished film. The bottom image shows Toby Russell (son of Ken Russell) playing a robed, ivory-skinned god who comes down to Earth during a flashback scene.

Interestingly, even though the production ground to a halt and was never completed, George Tan did toy with the idea of restarting the project. He commissioned David Fitzgerald (a sculptor and also the voice artist on the 2019 short THE FIRST MEN IN THE MOON) to build a new, far better-looking man-ape costume.

This second version of the man-ape costume had extended arms and more of a gorilla-like build. Fitzgerald also gave the ape creature long, grey hair hanging from its head.

The Mark 2 man-ape had a long, slashing bony claw on each hand — The mark 2 man-ape had a long, slashing bony claw on each hand

Some behind the scenes shots of the ape costume under construction…

The under-skull of the man-ape costume takes shape

The detailed ape outer face with moveable jaw and lots of skin texture

The man-ape's head with the long, grey hair added — The man-ape’s head with the long, grey hair added

Clay sculpt of one of the ape's feet — Clay sculpt of one of the ape’s feet

This ape suit was completed and delivered to Tan, but IRON SHADOWS has remained in limbo.

PEOPLE OF THE SERPENT

George (TRINITY GOES EAST) Tan, producer of the unfinished IRON SHADOWS film, commissioned another Conan script, called PEOPLE OF THE SERPENT. Based a non-Conan tale by Robert E Howard, the story was retooled to include Conan and a swamp-god monster called Yug-Ommog.

The script involved the inhabitants of a treacherous swampland zone praying to the great stone idol of their local deity, known as Yug-Ommog. George Tan oversaw the construction of a full-scale model of the idol and also ordered the creation of a tentacle-faced Yug-Ommog monster costume. This creature suit was constructed by low budget effects expert Brett (MUTANT WAR) Piper, who created Yug-Ommog by repurposing a critter costume originally built for the 2009 film MUCKMAN.

Concept sketches showing how the arms of original Muckman creature costume were going to be updated to become the arms for the Yug-Ommog monster — Concept sketches showing how the arms of the original Muckman creature costume were going to be updated to become the arms for the Yug-Ommog monster

The revamped arms, ready to be used for Yug-Ommog

Above: two shots of the Yug-Ommog monster suit's deformed head — Above: two shots of the Yug-Ommog monster suit’s deformed head

Below are some behind the scenes shots of the idol statue, which was constructed in Thailand…

Above: these three shots show how the idol statue would have been very phallic-looking

The 'stone' base, on which the Yug-Ommog idol statue would stand — The ‘stone’ base, on which the Yug-Ommog idol statue would stand

George Tan then hired gifted artist Jose Luis to draw a comic book version of the script. These gorgeous-looking illustrations would have served as a complete storyboard to aid the shooting of the film – and the drawings would also have formed the contents of a tie-in comic book, to be published when the film was released.

This sketch explores how Conan will look after he's covered in slime, blood and mud! — This preproduction sketch (not drawn by Jose Luis) explores how Conan would look after he gets covered in slime, blood and mud!

PEOPLE OF THE SERPENT didn’t go into production, unfortunately, and Jose Luis’ fine artwork, reminiscent of the kind of b&w illustrations that filled the pages of the wonderful 1970s Savage Sword of Conan comic books, has yet to be published anywhere. Shame. But you never know, one day we might get to see the artwork.

CONAN: RED NAILS

An animated feature film, based on the superb Robert E Howard Conan story Red Nails, went into production around 2005, with actor Ron (HELLBOY) Perlman cast as the voice of Conan. The sceptre-wielding villain Tolkemec would have been voiced by Mark (STAR WARS) Hamill. However, as is so very often the way, the production, by Swordplay Entertainment, stalled and it seems very unlikely it will now see the light of day.

A screenshot from some early, rough test footage animation showing Conan running into action

Some rough animation test footage was shared online, showing a battle sequence involving a big demon and some zombie warriors (none of which featured in the original Howard story)…

Above: two more screenshots from the animation test footage — Above: two screenshots from the animation test footage

PEOPLE OF THE DARK

This project would have featured the proto-Conan character known as Conan of the Reavers, in a plot based on Robert E Howard’s 1932 short story People of the Dark.

The script included deformed ‘Little People’ (the Children of the Night), who are the grotesque antagonists in the story’s extended flashback sequence. The monstrous descendant of the Little People, a reptilian ‘worm’ creature that appears at the end of the yarn, also featured in the script, which was commissioned by producer George (TOP FIGHTER) Tan.

Preproduction concept drawings of the Little People

Very early stage concept drawings were done of the creatures. A concept sketch was done of Conan the Reaver too, exploring what he’d look like if the script was changed to make him a 17th century character.

Size comparison preproduction concept art

An alternative concept design for the regressive worm creature

Concept designs for the ‘Children of the Night’ creatures

Preproduction sketch for a 17th century-style Conan the Reaver character

The whole project seemed to fizzle, though, as Tan focused his efforts on child-focused motion comics. And that was that. Oh well.

A location that would've been considered if the decision was made to set the flashbacks in the iron age, rather than the 17th century — A location that would’ve been considered if the decision was made to set the film’s flashbacks in the iron age (as in the original story), rather than in the 17th century

IN CONCLUSION…

The George Tan projects, if they’d been made (and if Tan had been able to fend off any legal actions from rights owners), would certainly have been low budget B movies. But I actually have no problem with this: Hollywood movie versions of Conan always strived to be big scale, epic affairs, so these much smaller-scale Tan-produced films could’ve been the movies that were able to, potentially, use the kind of plots that were similar in scope to many of Robert E Howard’s more tightly-plotted, modestly-scaled Conan short stories. Maybe Tan will finally get one of these films made. I certainly hope so.

But, hey, most folks crave big-canvas Conan productions, and KING CONAN was certainly the Conan project that many, many fans wanted to see get made. Hell, 1982’s CONAN THE BARBARIAN even ends with the image of Arnie’s Conan sitting on the Aquilonian throne!

Arnie in old age makeup as King Conan at the end of CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982). Is present-day Arnie too old to play King Conan now? — Arnie in old age makeup as King Conan at the end of CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982). The question is: would present-day Arnie be too old to play King Conan now?

One creative guy found a way to have KING CONAN on his shelf in some form: he printed out the Milius script and custom bound it…

Perhaps, one day, there will be a KING CONAN movie. Let’s wait and see…

Project Wolf Hunting (2022)

March 23, 2024 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Starring Seo In-guk, Jang Dong-yoon, Choi Gwi-hwa, Sung Dong-il, Park Ho-san, Jung Moon-sung and Jung So-min. Written by Kim Hong-sun, directed by Kim Hong-sun, and produced by Gu Seong-mok.
Cheum Film/Contents G

Wow! This is a really visceral, cool & bloody action-horror-sci-fi flick!

A group of South Korean prisoners are transported from the Philippines in the cargo ship Frontier Titan, overseen by a large team of Korean police officers, led by Seok-woo (Ho-san). The surly cons are kept in line by the cops, but it all gets very bloody as a murderous team takes over the vessel, the prisoners are freed, and then an unstoppable being escapes from his restraints in the bowels of the ship…

There's a lot of stabbing in this flick — There’s a lot of stabbing in this flick

Just to reiterate: this ultra-violent flick is fond of knifings (and shootings, bludgeonings, etc)!

The start of PROJECT WOLF HUNTING is paced nicely, showing us around the ship and introducing the cops, the cons and the ship’s crew members. But soon the killings start and we’re left in no doubt that director Kim Hong-sun intends to deliver a non-stop, blood-drenched, action-filled movie where the visceral, violent aspects of the story take precedence over the plotting and characterisations. This approach has been criticised by some reviewers, but I appreciate Hong-sun’s commitment to making such a no-holds-barred production where the brutal carnage and action is the whole point of the movie. And, anyway, this isn’t to say that the characters are blandly sketched, because the director still manages to imbue many of the bad guys with a warped, sick charisma, especially the tattooed psycho Jong-du (In-guk) and the ruthless, machine gun-toting inside man Kim Gyu-tae (Moon-sung).

Kim is a cold-blooded killer, like many of the other characters!

When the superhuman killing machine Alpha (Gwi-hwa) begins his murder spree at the midpoint, the carnage intensifies. Alpha, who has swollen flesh around his eyes that are sewn shut with outsized staples, stomps loudly about the ship like a part-zombie terminator. This monstrous dude cannot be reasoned with and is revealed to be a lobotomised human weapon test subject for the Kemono Project, a Japanese-run experiment dating back to the Second World War. We’re even treated to a flashback that shows Alpha bludgeoning a team of Japanese soldiers to death with a human skull!

Alpha is initially in storage below deck... — Alpha is initially in storage below deck…

...but once the zombie-like Alpha awakens he really goes on a killing spree! — …but once the zombie-like Alpha awakens he really goes on a killing spree!

An extra layer of complication is added for the surviving cops (and several ‘nice’ cons) when it’s divulged that the pharma company Aeon Genetics is behind the presence of Alpha on the ship: they’d been bringing Alpha to South Korea to find out why he doesn’t age. With chaos reigning on the cargo vessel, Aeon flies in a helicopter full of mercs, but these all end up dying in grisly ways too, just like most of the cast.

This isn't merely 'a super soldier extravaganza', it is an 'extraordinarily gory super soldier extravaganza'! — This isn’t merely ‘a super soldier extravaganza’, it is an ‘extraordinarily gory super soldier extravaganza’!

In a film where various characters are revealed to be the super-powered results of experimentation, arterial blood-jets go off like lawn sprinklers, and heads get caved-in on a regular basis, this well-shot, ultra-violent sci-fi-horror-actioner keeps you constantly guessing as to which characters might stand a chance of surviving until the end of a movie that’s awash with puddles, squirts, rivulets and torrents of blood. In case you didn’t know already: I think this flick is bloody ace!

This scene doesn't end well for all the Japanese characters! — This scene doesn’t end well for all the Japanese characters!

Alright then, one more shot from the movie…

Seo In-guk, as a tattooed psycho-killer, kills yet another victim! — Seo In-guk, as a tattooed psycho-killer, knifes yet another victim!

The Heroic Trio (1993)

March 9, 2024 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Starring Anita Mui, Maggie Cheung, Michelle Yeoh, Anthony Wong, and Yen Shi-Kwan. Directed by Johnny To, with action by Ching Siu-Tung.
China Entertainment Films Production/Paka Hill Productions.

A villainous Evil Master (Shi-Kwan) dwelling in the sewers below a city sends an invisible assailant out to kidnap children, one of whom may be the preordained ‘King’ of China’…

...and here's what he turns into later! — …and here’s what he turns into later!

THE HEROIC TRIO is the gold standard Hong Kong sci-fi/comic book-style super-femmes movie (okay, I know that there were not exactly loads of this specific kind of movie back in the early 90s!)

Though directed by Johnny To, the film has action director Ching Siu-Tung’s stylistic fingerprints all over it. This is a prestige, sumptuous genre production dripping with lush lighting, large sets and audacious, over the top action moments, spiced up with humour, violence and lashings of manga aesthetics.

It's the Heroic Trio! — It’s the Heroic Trio!

Anita Mui, Michelle Yeoh and Maggie Cheung play heroines Wonder Woman, Invisible Woman and Thief Catcher, in a preposterous yarn about an Evil Master (Yen Shi-Kwan) forcing the Invisible Woman to steal babies in the hope that one will turn out to be the next Emperor of China. Invisible Woman switches sides, after some face-offs with the other two super-babes, and the trio clash with the Master and his roaring, bird-eating super-minion Chan Gau (a fit, agile Anthony Wong).

All right then, I know that in today’s world one shouldn’t objectify women… but, boy, these three actresses were at their beautiful best here. The late Anita Mui demands the viewer’s attention whenever she’s onscreen, playing the most empathetic of the three and looking great in her silver mask. Michelle Yeoh is always a good reason to watch a movie, and here she gets to play both a (blackmailed) associate of the bad guy and also a hero. Maggie Cheung, as Thief Catcher, wearing kneepads, small black shorts and stockings, gives her character an irreverent, mouthy attitude at first, but she begins to add more gravitas to her role after being poisoned by needles and suffering from guilt after the death of a baby.

When I saw this on its release, when Hong Kong films were still at their zenith, it was perhaps easy to take THE HEROIC TRIO slightly for granted, but now I appreciate much more the full-on commitment the filmmakers’ had to producing a colourful, outrageous entertainment, using all the techniques and skills at their disposal, piling on tons of wirework stunts and practical effects.

A fight in the Evil Master’s underground lair

The film features some great sets, including the Evil Master’s subterranean lair beneath the city, where babies lie in numerous bird cages suspended from crisscrossing lengths of chain. There’s also a big train station set, which is rigged so that a full-scale train can be slammed through a wall in a standout set piece action scene!

Battlin' babes at their best! — Battlin’ babes at their best!

The film is full of incident and fun visuals: the Master looks evilly resplendent in a grand costume, Chan Gau goes on a killing spree with a flying guillotine, and Wonder Woman’s cop husband gets to stoically put his life on the line several times. But the main focus is always on the three heroines, who are willing and able to use throwing weapons, dynamite, swords and machine guns to beat their enemies!

With on-the-nose sentimental scenes that work within the heightened, pulpy world of the story, and a mad finale in which the skeletal corpse of the Evil Master latches onto Invisible Woman by entwining around her with his limbs & ribcage so that he can use her like a human puppet to battle her friends, THE HEROIC TRIO may occasional contain action shots in which you can see the wires, and maybe the Invisible Woman is not invisible very often in the story, but who really cares? This is the kind of production that was made by Hong Kong creatives operating at their peak, something you’ll never see again.

The Evil Master becomes a raw-fleshed, skeletal monster!

Close-up of one of the living skeletal corpse's legs! — Close-up of one of the living skeletal corpse’s legs!

Invisible Woman (Michelle Yeoh) gets grabbed!

If you haven’t seen this film before, track it down and give it a watch!

The Dragon Lives Again (1977)

March 6, 2024 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Bruce is surrounded by kung fu-skilled mummies!

Starring Bruce Liang (aka Bruce Leung), Shen Ie-Lung, Tang Ching, Alexander Grand, Nick Cheung Lik, Eric Tsang, Lily Foo Lai, Jenny, Bobby Canavarro, Fang Yeh, Wong Mei, Cheung Hei and Yuen Siu-Tin. Written by Chi Lo, and Liang Wei. Directed by Lo Chi and produced by Hendrick Gozali for Goldig Film Company.

Bruce Lee dies and wakes up in the underworld, makes friends with some of the nicer folks there, including Popeye and the One-Armed Swordsman, and clashes with other characters, such as James Bond, the King of the Underworld, The Godfather, Clint Eastwood, Dracula, Emmanuelle and Zatoichi!

Aka DEADLY HANDS OF KUNG FU, this is a movie that has to be seen to be believed!

After a caption that reads ‘This film is dedicated to millions who love Bruce Lee’, ENTER THE DRAGON music kicks-in and then the Bond theme takes over, as James Bond faces-off against Bruce Lee! Awesomeness! This film is immensely enjoyable from the get-go, as characters we’ll be meeting in the movie strut their stuff during the extended shot-against-red credit sequence.

We’re then shown Bruce Lee’s body lying in the cavern/throne room of the King of the Underworld (Ching)… and it looks as if Bruce died with a massive erection… but this impressive stiffness turns out to be his nunchucks!

Bruce and his nunchucks... — Bruce and his nunchucks…

Lee is played by Bruce Liang (aka Bruce Leung) who, let’s be brutally honest, is probably the Bruceploitation star who looked least like Bruce Lee, and the filmmakers obviously know this, so they have a character comment that, “It so happens when a person dies their face and their body undergo a change.” This explanation must also be the reason why Clint Eastwood, Popeye and Dracula are all asian in this film!

Eric (INFERNAL AFFAIRS) Tsang as Popeye!

Bruce soon comes to terms with the fact he’s dead and that he’s in hell, which pretty much resembles a Chinese town with a small casino and restaurants. There are also some cavern dwellings and a quarry. The underworld’s residents defer to the King, mainly because he has the power to cause earthquakes by shaking a pillar, though a shady cabal led by The Godfather have plans to take over the territory.

Don't mess with Bruce Lee! — Don’t mess with Bruce Lee!

Bruce visits the main town restaurant and encounters Popeye (a youthful Eric Tsang), while elsewhere in the establishment Zatoichi the blind masseur/swordsman catches flies and puts them in his food, so that he can get out of paying his bill. Then Zatoichi, along with James Bond, Clint Eastwood (dressed as the Man With No Name), and a bunch of dudes in skeleton costumes confront Bruce in the restaurant, and Bruce starts to feel sweaty and dizzy, making it easy for Clint to beat him up. Fortunately for Bruce, he’s cared for afterwards by Wa To (Siu-Tin), the doctor to the King of the Underworld, who’s such a good doctor he even helps skeletons! Bruce admits during his convalescence that his Achilles heel when he was alive was that he played around too much and says aloud that he’s sorry to Linda, his wife.

Zatoichi, Clint Eastwood, James Bond and their zombie henchmen (wearing skeleton costumes) confront Bruce Lee!

What makes this production so enjoyable are all the famous characters added to the mix, with some of them depicting real-life people like Bruce Lee and Clint Eastwood and others representing fictional characters like Popeye, the One-Armed Swordsman, Zatoichi and Kwai Chang Caine from the KUNG FU television show. So it’s great fun when the film cuts to Clint Eastwood, The Exorcist, Emmanuelle, Zatoichi and James Bond hanging out together in The Godfather’s cavern HQ. There’s no rhyme or reason to why some characters, like Bond and Emmanuelle, are played by western actors, and why Clint Eastwood, The Exorcist, etc, are played by asian actors. I guess we just have to remember that ‘when a person dies their face and their body undergo a change’, even when they’re fictional characters like The Godfather!

Bruce does a little gambling at a casino, but he then tells everyone they should stop gambling because that is probably the reason they ended up in the underworld. He meets the One-Armed Swordsman here and strikes up a friendship with him.

We also get to see some of the naked underworld concubines in a large bath, chatting about Bruce Lee, discussing the Hollywood actors he trained, and musing about how they’d like to go out with him.

The movie jumps from obvious sets to obviously real-world locations without attempting to disguise the transitions, mainly when Bruce and other characters dash from the town studio set and end up immediately in a bright exterior quarry location. I think this editing just adds to the hey-we-don’t-give-a-f**k-what-you-think mindset of the filmmakers!

Bruce, dressed as Kato, in the Underworld quarry location

At the quarry Bruce duels with Zatoichi, and each fighter takes turns to use different styles against the other, with the name of each technique superimposed on-screen. Zatoichi uses these styles: ‘Blind Man Finds Way’, ‘Blind Chicken Peaks’, ‘Blind Man Kills Mosquito’, ‘Blind Snake Climbs’, ‘Blind Fool Massages’ and ‘Blind Dog Pisses’! Bruce, meanwhile, uses these special techniques, inspired by movie titles: ‘The Big Boss’, ‘Enter the Dragon’, ‘Way of the Dragon’, ‘Fist of Fury’ and ‘Game of Death’!

Bruce's 'Fist of Fury' technique basically means that he bites his opponent's leg!? — Bruce’s ‘Fist of Fury’ technique basically means that he bites his opponent’s leg!?

For a while the movie shifts into sex farce territory, with the King of the Underworld cavorting and playing blind man’s buff in the hot tub with nude women, for no particular reason, plot-wise, other than to show off some attractive nekkid ladies. We also get one of the underworld concubines and the Queen of the Underworld planning to seduce Bruce, which involves them trying to give him a potion to ‘stiffen his resolve’. The foxy Queen even tells Bruce, “Beat me hard with that terrible weapon”! The concubine and the Queen end up forcing each other to drink the potion, however, and they both become scabby-faced hags. Meanwhile, sexpot Emmanuelle meets-up with the King of the Underworld. “You can spank my botty,” she informs him, and she promises to become the King’s wife.

The Queen of the Underworld and a concubine fight over who should have Bruce Lee!

Dracula (Hei) shows up now with his skeleton henchmen (referred to as zombies) and Bruce arrives to take them all on dressed as Kato from THE GREEN HORNET! Bruce gets pinned to the ground by the henchmen, who hold onto his arms and legs, so that Dracula can bend down, ready to bite him… and, suddenly, a third leg shoots up from Bruce’s groin area, booting Dracula in the face, as an on-screen title informs us this style is called ‘The Third Leg of Bruce’! Insane stuff!

Dracula's skeleton henchmen run rings around Bruce! — Dracula’s skeleton henchmen run rings around Bruce!

The henchmen pin Bruce to the floor and Dracula approaches... — The henchmen pin Bruce to the floor and Dracula approaches…

Back with Emmanuelle and the King, they have sex in his pink-lit bed. There’s lots of moaning and groaning and Bruce has to intervene to warn the King that Emmanuelle was trying to give him a heart attack through pleasure, and the King muses that, “Her pussy’s in this plot too, she was using it to murder me.”

Bruce is made the new captain of the King’s bodyguards, triggering reprisals from The Godfather’s team, resulting in Bruce killing James Bond and then Clint Eastwood. The Exorcist and The Godfather decide to try and kill the King, who defends himself by creating an earthquake by shaking the pillar, so they then decide to attack Bruce. This fight between Bruce, The Exorcist and The Godfather is very nicely done, in fact it’s thrilling and totally ace, as Bruce finishes off The Godfather (played by a very cool-looking Shen Ie-Lung) by utilising his ‘Fingers of Fury’ technique!

The Godfather puts up a good fight against Bruce!

Knowing that Bruce is angry with him for causing an earthquake that hurt innocent people, the King implores General Cheung Fei to help him rid himself of Lee… so Cheung Fei leads a mob of bandaged mummies to attack Bruce! Popeye, the One-Armed Swordsman and Kwai Chang Caine come to Bruce’s aid and a madcap final martial arts skirmish takes place in the underworld quarry. Popeye gets kicked about… so he eats a can of spinach and the ‘I’m Popeye the Sailor Man’ tune plays as he beats-up the mummies! The One-Armed Swordsman slashes the mummies with his sword and Bruce battles General Cheung Fei with nunchucks! This is excellent stuff, with Bruce finally being granted permission to leave the underworld.

General Cheung Fei, the King of the Underworld, and a bunch of mummies surround Bruce!

Here's another pic of Eric (THE LAST BLOOD) Tsang as Popeye! — Here’s another pic of Eric (THE LAST BLOOD) Tsang as Popeye!

THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN is a priceless, peculiar pantomime of preposterous proportions. The movie would have been a stand-out Bruceploitation flick solely because of its totally unhinged storyline, but what makes it even better, what provides the exciting icing on the crazy cake, is the fact that the action is really, really good. Bruce Liang may not resemble Bruce Lee, but in real life Liang was a very skilled (and tough) martial artist – and he looks extremely good on-screen in the many fight scenes that were choreographed by him.

Bruce Lee faces-off against Clint Eastwood in that same bloody quarry!

Okay, one final look at Dracula…

Squirm (1976)

January 23, 2024 Ken Miller 2 Comments

Starring Don Scardino, Patricia Pearcy, R.A. Dow, Jean Sullivan and Peter MacLean. Written and directed by Jeff Lieberman. Produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff, Joseph Beruh, Edgar Lansbury and George Manasse.

Downed power lines in Georgia turn bloodworms into killer critters that begin to chow down on the local rednecks!

He's full of worms! — He’s full of worms!

SQUIRM is a cool example of the 70s trend for eco-horror/animal attack movies. The two young leads (Scardino & Pearcy) are likeable and, between the worm scenes, they try to figure out the identity of a missing skeleton in a SCOOBY-DOO-style mystery-solving fashion.

There are lots of shots of real bloodworms, which look gross when filmed close-up: they really do resemble mini-monsters! In this movie these worms scream too! Yes! Screaming worms! And they like to dangle from the shower as well!

They're in the shower! — They’re in the shower!

There’s some fine early makeup work by Rick Baker to look out for (and Rob Bottin was an uncredited assistant makeup artist on this production too). The ‘worm-face’ scene is great, revelling in shots of a character who has bloodworms crawling beneath the skin of his face! He yanks at the worms, trying to pull them out! These are really neat-looking practical effects! Rick Baker really shows here that he was a makeup effects expert worth keeping an eye on.

The ending is a nice merging of creepy house thriller & critter attack genres. It’s during this finale that the film comes up with its most impactful image; a man becoming submerged in a sea of worms that fill the room! If you don’t like worms you will not like this scene (or the movie)!

This is an enjoyable, wriggly, writhing, creepy-crawly, low budget, well-handled creatures-run-amok B movie that keeps you entertained throughout: it’s squirm-tastic!

Here are some posters…