Jurassic Revival (2022)

Armed team members shoot at the massive snake!
Armed team members shoot at the massive snake!

Starring Ma Xinyu, Feng Qilong, Yang Qiyu, Shen Yunzhong and Qiao Yaona, written by Li Wei, directed by Zhao Cong and produced by Xu Yawei.

Okay, I know I often say this, but here I go again: If only the movie was as good as this promo artwork
Okay, I know I often say this, but here I go again: If only the movie was as good as this promo artwork!

This begins in the 1980s, on a newly-discovered island (the ghost island), where we see a T-Rex attack the researchers and guards at an encampment. Loads of bullets are fired at this T-Rex, but it keeps on attacking, and even dynamite does little to slow it down. One particular scientist is shown running about, clutching a dinosaur egg, and then the story skips to the present day (as stories often do in these flicks), and we’re introduced to Zhao (Xinyu), the daughter of the guy-with-the-egg seen in the prologue. Zhao is asked by the despicable Mr Du (Qiyu) to accompany him and his team on a new mission to ghost island, the location of which he has rediscovered by comparing cloud formations on photographs taken at different times (a rip-off of an idea used in the 1976 version of KING KONG). Against her better judgement, Zhao goes with Mr Du and his armed goons to the island. Other team members include Laka, a dreadlocked demolition expert, Sangji, a survival expert, and Yuzi, an attractive, stony-faced, gun-toting she-merc who likes to wear snug-fitting shorts.

Yuzi doesn't like to smile
Yuzi doesn’t like to smile

Once on ghost island, a member of the group coughs-up blood and dies after a bug flies into his mouth (but these wasp-like bugs are never encountered again), and then a super-gigantic cobra goes on the offensive (of course there’s a huge snake in this movie: Chinese creature features just LOVE to include giant snakes if they get the chance!)

Giant cobra!
Giant cobra!
A close-up shot of the serpent!
A close-up shot of the serpent!

The team are unable to kill this huge serpent with all their firepower, and are fortunately saved when a carnosaur rocks up and quickly bites the cobra in two! The team get away from the reddish-brown predatory dino, which will turn up again later. 

The big cobra and the huge carnosaur roar at each other!
The big cobra and the huge carnosaur roar at each other!

An encounter with Velociraptors in an area of long grass happens next, and it is handled pretty well. There’s even a decent-looking full scale raptor prop head used in this sequence, as well as a full-body raptor costume.

The practical effects raptor head looks pretty damn good
The practical effects raptor head looks pretty damn good

The characters eventually reach the island’s open plains, which is populated by Stegosaurs, Triceratops, sauropods, pterosaurs, and other dinos.

Dinos roam the open plains
Dinos roam the open plains

All dinosaur movies should include shots of a big skeleton at some point. This movie does just that, so I am pleased!
All dinosaur movies should include shots of a big skeleton at some point. This movie does just that, so I am pleased!

The quality of the special effects does vary throughout the film, with some of it looking particularly weak. One such example of low quality FX is the reddish-brown carnivore (which we saw kill the cobra earlier) that now reenters the story. This critter moves about with a clunky, awkward gait that is not of a very high standard, effects-wise. But a T-Rex that shows up at this point, with Zhao’s wild-haired father riding on its back, is a better example of the CGI, boasting a more impactful body design and good skin texture details. It turns out that Zhao’s dad has raised this T-Rex from the egg he was carrying about, and now the dino is his loyal pet! This is a fun, goofy idea, but the filmmakers waste the opportunity to show lots of dino-riding action, and simply have the dad tell the T-Rex to chill out while he joins the team, as Mr Du searches for a special meteorite.

The wild-haired father's pet T-Rex is hurt after a fight...
The wild-haired father’s pet T-Rex is hurt after a fight with the reddish-brown carnosaur…
...but it gets back up
…but it gets back up: the pet T-Rex is okay, folks! Yay!

The explorers reach a hot, volcanic landscape, dotted with jets of flame, which is the location of the meteorite. Mr Du wants to blow this hunk of rock up (presumably because it contains valuable minerals), but Zhao’s father says that the meteorite’s magnetic field is related to the life of the entire island, so if the rock gets destroyed every living thing on the isle will perish. So, after a raptor attack, the team members inevitably split into two factions, as some try to protect the meteorite, and others attempt to blow it up. 

Raptors in the volcanic zone
Raptors in the volcanic zone

The orange-hued, fiery zone, where this finale takes place, is quite stylised and theatrical-looking, exuding a more fantastical, cinematic vibe (compared to the naturalistic locations used elsewhere), and it definitely suits the pulpy requirements of this lost world film. So it’s a shame that it is used as the setting for a protracted hostage standoff situation, with Mr Du holding Zhao at knifepoint, which is all rather anticlimactic. We do get to see the pet T-Rex again, though, at the very end, as the survivors wait on the beach to be rescued.  

Chillin' on the beach with the pet T-Rex
Chillin’ on the beach with the pet T-Rex

As the film fades to black, some copy informs us that Laka, Zhao and Sangji were sentenced to six years in prison for breaking the local law. But could someone please answer this question for me: how the hell does a lost, prehistoric island happen to have its own local law?!

Chinese monster movies like to include Asian Lara Croft-types in their stories!
Chinese monster movies like to include Asian Lara Croft-types in their stories!

Sea Fever (2019)

The eyeless corpse of an infected crew member
The eyeless corpse of an infected crew member

Starring Hermione Corfield, Dag Malmberg, Jack Hickey, Olwen Fouéré, Dougray Scott and Connie Nielsen. Written and directed by Neasa Hardiman. Bright Moving Pictures/Creativity Capital/Epic Pictures Group.

Poster
Poster
Hermione Corfield stands out as lead character Siobhan
Hermione Corfield stands out as lead character Siobhan

Siobhan (Corfield), a science student, gets a place on a fishing trawler that is overseen by Freya (Nielsen) and her husband, Gerard (Scott). As the trawler sets off, the Irish Coast Guard alerts the crew, informing them that their planned fishing destination is in an exclusion zone. However, despite Freya’s orders not to go there, Gerard takes the trawler into the zone anyway, because he needs a big haul of fish to keep ownership of the ship. But there’s something lurking within the exclusion zone that ain’t no fish…

The trawler sets off on its fateful voyage
The trawler sets off on its fateful voyage

This seaborne sci-fi-horror movie features a vast, strange creature that infects the crew. This infection actually turns out to be part of the critter’s lifecycle… and it can cause the eyeballs of victims to explode!

Be careful, dudes, your eyes might burst!
Be careful, dudes, your eyes might burst!

This is a pretty decent production, but the movie gets bogged down with the main protagonist, who is played well by Hermione Corfield, trying to identify and isolate the infection. The plot should really have delved more into the beast’s whole lifecycle, showing us what the various stages of this glowing, jellyfish-like critter look like. But, that aside, SEA FEVER is definitely a solid, well-acted, well-made, modestly-sized dark sci-fi flick.

Glowing appendages!
Glowing appendages!
The bioluminescent tentacle-appendages attach themselves to the ship's hull with suckers...
The bioluminescent tentacle-appendages attach themselves to the ship’s hull with suckers…
...and the appendages exude a slimy substance that eats through the wooden hull, ready to begin a cycle of infection
…and the appendages exude a slimy substance that eats through the wooden hull, ready to begin a cycle of infection

Hey, SEA FEVER features parasites swimming in people’s eyes and includes shots of bioluminescent tentacles, so of course it’s worth a watch!

Just what is this thing?
Just what is this thing?
Turkish poster
Turkish poster
South Korean poster
South Korean poster
Russian poster
Russian poster
This film ain't bad
This film ain’t bad

Deathstalker (1983)

Kaira (Lana Clarkson) doesn't wear an awful lot in this movie...
Kaira (Lana Clarkson) doesn’t wear an awful lot in this movie…

Starring Rick (WARRIOR QUEEN) Hill, Barbi (X-RAY) Benton, Richard (FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART III) Brooker, Lana (AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON) Clarkson, Bernard Erhard and Victor Bo. Written by Howard R. (SATURDAY THE 14TH) Cohen and directed by James Sbardellati.

The pig-faced fighter!
The pig-faced fighter!

The warrior known as Deathstalker (Hill) goes on a quest to find three objects of power: a chalice, a sword, and an amulet. Deathstalker’s journey will lead him to the castle of a sorcerer,  where there is a tournament with different fights to the death…

"I have the power!" Oops, wrong movie
“I have the power!” Oops, wrong movie
Deathstalker is told of his quest by a witch
Deathstalker is told of his quest by a witch

DEATHSTALKER was one of the many low budget sword and sorcery films that came out in the wake of John Milius’ CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982). This was one of only two films that James Sbardellati directed, as he was usually a first assistant director on such productions as BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS (1980), HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP (1980) and THE BEASTMASTER (1982), which is one of my favourite sword and sorcery flicks.

Was that 'tattoo' drawn on with a felt tip pen?
Was that ‘tattoo’ drawn on with a felt tip pen?

DEATHSTALKER, which features a witch, an imp and a weird little finger-eating puppet creature (it also likes to eat eyes), was an Argentine-American co-production (and was the first of several films that Roger Corman produced in Argentina.) As these kinds of threadbare fantasy productions go, DEATHSTALKER is an okay yarn that’s full of oiled warriors, semi-orgies, lots of half-naked women, mud wrestling, a pig-headed, tusked dude and a fairly lighthearted vibe.


The slimy puppet critter has severed hand for lunch!
The slimy puppet critter has a severed hand for lunch!

The movie, though far, far from being a fantasy classic, is certainly more enjoyable than the likes of ATOR, THE FIGHTING EAGLE (1982) and THE WARRIOR AND THE SORCERESS (1984), though it couldn’t possibly live up to the expectations created by Boris Vallejo’s cool poster. The ogre-creature that Boris depicts in his artwork is huge and impactful, gripping a desperate maiden with one huge hand as the beast-man raises a mace against the lithe hero. In the movie itself, this monstrous character is far less imposing, that’s for sure, but he’s still a fun, human-sized, boar-faced brute that enlivens proceedings.

Awesome Boris poster!
Awesome Boris poster!
Boar-brute versus the hero!
Boar-brute versus the hero!

More DEATHSTALKER films were to follow, and they all boasted posters that were always far better than the movies they represented!

A shot of a boar-dude holding a severed arm. Well, this is the Monster Zone, so we need lots of pics of the monsters!
A shot of a boar-dude holding a severed arm. Well, this is the Monster Zone, so we need lots of pics of the monsters!

Sadly, Lana Clarkson, who played the blonde warrior woman Kaira, was later murdered by record producer Phil Spector in 2003.

RIP Lana Clarkson
RIP Lana Clarkson

Alright then, one final look at ol’ piggy-features…

Oink!
Oink!

Up from the Depths (1979)

Furious fish-beast attacks a boat!
Furious fish-beast attacks a boat!

Starring Sam Bottoms, Susanne Reed and Virgil (THE CAT CREATURE) Frye. Written by Alfred M. Sweeney and Anne (BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS) Dyer, directed by Charles B. (WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM II) Griffith and produced by Cirio H. (VAMPIRE HOOKERS) Santiago, Rolando S. Atienza, Roger (DAY THE WORLD ENDED) Corman, Jill (DR. HECKYL AND MR. HYPE) Griffith and Manny Norman. A New World Pictures production.

Say "Cheese!"
Say “Cheese!”
Cool poster, though the monster definitely doesn't look like that in the movie!
Cool poster, though the monster definitely doesn’t look like that in the movie! Art by the very talented William Stout.

An underwater earthquake releases a big prehistoric fish. Yay!

This fiendish fish flick stars Sam (THE LAST PICTURE SHOW) Bottoms, who also starred in APOCALYPSE NOW, another movie shot in the Philippines. But that’s where similarities end, as UP FROM THE DEPTHS will never be mistaken for a classic film, whereas Francis Ford Coppola’s awesome Vietnam War-set epic is a bonafide classic movie.

Sorry, Sam, you took the paycheck so you've got to make this movie!
Sorry, Sam, you took the paycheck so you’ve got to make this movie!
It's got a big mouth!
It’s got a big mouth!

Even though Chris (THE FLY) Walas helped make the monster, there’s nothing particularly special about this fish-critter’s design, other than it has a double dorsal fin and resembles a grouper fish. The poster, however, tries to make out the beast is a kind of blue, spiky-skinned, red-eyed shark-monster. I’ve seen behind the scenes shots of the full-size fish-head prop being propelled through the water by divers, but supposedly it proved too heavy to move around much. So, basically, the beast is only fleetingly shown during its assaults on swimmers.

The fish-beast has a double dorsal fin
The fish-beast has a double dorsal fin

Maybe I’m easily pleased, but I thought the full scale monster fish head at least looked like a decently-made model, even if it did remind me of a grouper fish. The director, Charles B. Griffith (writer of such films as ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS, BEAST FROM HAUNTED CAVE, A BUCKET OF BLOOD and THE LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS), definitely wasn’t a fan of the monster model, however, and felt compelled to make the movie pretty much into a comedy. But when producer Roger Corman saw Griffith’s cut he wasn’t very happy, as he thought that audiences would feel cheated if they went to see a JAWS rip-off movie and discovered that it was a comedy instead, so Corman had it re-edited in post-production, turning it into a straight horror picture.

As it is, the silly dialogue merged with the more ‘serious’ story edit helps to sink this fishy tale, as does the murky underwater photography and the blurry, indistinct fish attacks (that use a smaller monster model). Oh well.

A typically murky shot
A typically murky shot
Honestly, there is a fish monster lurking within the murky water!
Honestly, there is a fish monster lurking within the murkiness!

Let’s at least end this post with a clearer shot of the fish…

Thar she blows!
Thar she blows!

Route 666 (2001)

Don't drive onto Route 666!
Don’t drive onto Route 666!
An undead ghoul-ghost wields a sledgehammer!
An undead ghoul-ghost wields a sledgehammer!

Starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Lori Petty, Steven Williams, L.Q. Jones, Dale Midkiff and Mercedes Colon. Written by Scott Fivelson, Thomas Weber and William Wesley, directed by William Wesley.

Lori Petty plays Steph
This one's armed with a jackhammer!
This one’s armed with a jackhammer!

Lou Diamond Phillips and a bunch of other law enforcement types decide to travel down a cursed stretch of road with their government-protected witness… and encounter the zombie-ghosts of four convicts who were murdered years ago whilst on road clean-up detail.

You'd have an expression like this if you found yourself hounded by zombie-ghosts armed with road gang tools!
You’d have an expression like this if you found yourself hounded by zombie-ghosts armed with road gang tools!

The gunplay pyrotechnics aren’t up to scratch in this film, the plot is nothing to shout about, but I did like the supernatural zombie convicts, who have faces that are dry & cracked, covered in tire marks.

He needs to use moisturiser!
He needs to use moisturiser!
Lou gets in a spot of bother!
Lou gets in a spot of bother!
Ouch! Jabbed with a jackhammer!
Ouch! Jabbed with a jackhammer!

These ghouls are armed with suitable road gang weapons: a pickaxe, jackhammer, sledgehammer and a length of chain – and these dudes can attack you whenever you set foot on the asphalt of the haunted road. I like this idea!

These ghost-dudes don't smile much...
These ghost-dudes don’t smile much…

The film does cheat the rules at one point, though, when a road zombie attacks somebody when they aren’t on the road, but I thought the flick was a fun, cheap, cheesy time-waster that’s worth a watch.

A dude gets drilled!
A dude gets drilled!

Here’s a cool B&W drawing of the prisoner-zombie-ghosts…

Illustration by EyeOfSemicolon
Illustration by EyeOfSemicolon

A DVD sleeve for the movie…

'666 times the terror!'
‘666 times the terror!’

Go on, give this flick a go…

They're behind you, Lou...
They’re behind you, Lou…

Helldriver (2010)

Don't mess with this young woman!
Don’t mess with this young woman!
Nom, nom, nom...
Nom, nom, nom…

Starring Yumiko Hara, Eihi (AUDITION) Shiina, Yurei Yanagi, Kazuki Namioka, Kentaro Kishi and Mizuki Kusumi. Written by Daichi Nagisa, directed by Yoshihiro (TOKYO GORE POLICE) Nishimura, produced by Yoshinori Chiba and Hiroyuki Yamada
for Nikkatsu/Something Creation.

Eihi Shiina plays the disturbed Rikka
Eihi Shiina plays the disturbed Rikka

When a strange cloud of ash spreads across northern Japan, creating infected maniacs with horn-like tumours poking from their foreheads, the authorities are forced to build a wall to divide the country and keep their citizens safe. Though the prime minister continually stresses that the zombie-like denizens in the north should still be treated as humans, another member of the government secretly has a young, injured woman called Kika (Hara) turned into an experimental android… who is unleashed up north so that she can start killing off the infected. Kika is more than willing to do this because she wants to hunt down her mother Rikka (Shiina), who is patient zero: she’s the person who was hit by an orange meteorite and is symbiotically connected to the alien starfish that controls all of the infected!

Yumiko Hara plays Kika!
All the infected zombies have yellow/orange horn-like tumours growing from their heads
All the infected zombies have yellow/orange horn-like tumours growing from their heads

This is J-sploitation cinema at its most extreme and bizarre. Amazingly splattery geysers of blood deluge victim after victim, the designs for the zombies are outlandish, colourful and outrageous, crude-yet-cool special effects, which are purposefully stylised sometimes, continually assault the eyes, and the film is madly, urgently, perversely imaginative throughout.

Zombie geisha with a samurai sword!
Zombie geisha with a samurai sword!
This film is very, very bloody!
This film is very, very bloody!
Brain-eating time
Brain-eating time!
Arm-eating time!
Arm-eating time!
Face-eating time!
Face-eating time!

Director Yoshihiro Nishimura, who wrote and edited the movie, as well as doing the character designs, doesn’t try to make a film that operates on a real world level: in the reality of this flick Kika can have her heart pulled out by her evil mother and still survive! It’s explained that alien goo from the meteorite changed Kika’s body chemistry so that she doesn’t need a heart, but you get the feeling Nishimura doesn’t really care about what would really happen, he just likes the excuse to come up with madcap visuals, including the scene where Rikka triumphantly holds up her daughter’s bloody heart and shoves it into the gaping cavity in her own chest!

Kika’s own mother rams her hand into Kika’s body…
…and Rikka laughs as blood sprays everywhere…
Rikka rips out her own daughter's heart!
…and Rikka holds up her daughter Kika’s ripped-out heart…
...but Kika somehow survives this and becomes an avenging zombie-killer!
…but Kika somehow survives this and becomes an avenging zombie-killer!

Somewhat reminiscent of early Peter Jackson gore flicks, this Japanese movie is far more anarchic and surreal. Where else would you see a purple-faced zombie chopping off the heads of other zombies with a big sword, catapulting the mass of still-living heads through the air in a barrage that strikes the vehicle Kika and her companions are driving in? Where else would you see a zombie woman with extra ‘child arms’ poking from her face and many other arms sprouting from her limbs? Even her legs are actually arms, and a male forearm extends from her groin! Where else would you see Kika’s zombie uncle (with a swastika branded on his forehead) chasing the protagonists and collecting a bunch of body parts so that he can construct a bizarre zombie car made from limbs, feet and torsos?!

Kika’s parasite-controlled uncle builds a car out of body parts!
Kika’s parasite-controlled uncle builds a car out of body parts!
This female zombie has extra ‘child arms’ sticking from her face!
This female zombie has extra ‘child arms’ sticking from her face!

Some sequences reach a level of utter strangeness that you don’t think can be topped… and then an even more odd, imaginative & weird thing occurs, such as when we’re confronted by Rikka sitting on top of a massive headless body constructed from the parts of thousands upon thousands of zombies. And yet… it gets even more bizarre and outrageous, as the giant figure grabs two rockets and uses them to propel itself through the sky, with the thousands of zombie parts shifting about, so that the giant figure now resembles a passenger plane made from living corpses! Oh, the madness!

Yes, this plane is made from hundreds and hundreds of living corpses!
Yes, this plane is made from hundreds and hundreds of living corpses!

The film fetishises the recurring images of characters getting totally drenched in eruptions of blood, and Nishimura does get crueller sometimes, for instance when he shows one captive young woman getting her nipples bitten off, causing yet another deluge of spurting red stuff.

Blood spays over Kika!
Blood spays over Kika!
Blood sprays over everybody in this film!
Blood sprays over everybody in this film!

Lurid shifts in colour, from blues, to greens, to reds, to purples, pinks and yellows, add to the visual overload, while heavy rock guitars dominate the soundtrack. The movie’s credits suddenly appear 48 minutes into the film, just as Japan’s prime minister is torn limb from limb in a furious fountain of more blood! Border guards wear implausible, curved helmets, Kika has an engine strapped to her chest that powers her chainsaw-sword, and a female zombie uses her zombie baby as a weapon, swinging it around on its umbilical cord! A bulky zombie dude is covered in samurai swords that poke from his body like metal porcupine quills! The deviant uncle zombie gets chainsawed up the backside and yells, “I dig it! I dig it!” The alien parasite that has wrapped itself around the back of Rikka’s head resembles a cyclopean Patrick Star from SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, and, well, I can’t go on describing all the mega-carnage, creative character concepts and kaleidoscopic chaos in this film any longer!

The border guards wear very distinctive helmets
The border guards wear very distinctive helmets
This monstrous zombie has loads of katana blades sticking out of him!
This monstrous zombie has loads of katana blades sticking out of him!

Just go watch it and see for yourself!

Rikka has a starfish-shaped alien attached to the back of her head!
Rikka has a starfish-shaped alien attached to the back of her head!

Quatermass 2 (1957)

Alien blob monster!
Alien blob monster!

Starring Brian Donlevy, John Longden, Sid James, Bryan Forbes, William Franklyn, Vera Day, Tom Chatto, Percy Herbert and Michael Ripper. Written by Nigel Kneale and Val Guest, directed by Val Guest for Hammer Films.

Beware of what lurks within the domes...
Beware of what lurks within the domes…

Sheila (Vera Day) becomes a victim of an alien  projectile
Sheila (Vera Day) becomes a victim of an alien projectile
Hammer regular Michael Ripper don't need no gas mask!
Hammer Films regular Michael Ripper don’t need no gas mask!

Known as ENEMY FROM SPACE in the US, this film adaptation of the BBC sci-fi-horror television serial sees the brusque, no-nonsense Professor Bernard Quatermass (Donlevy) uncovering the fact that a UK industrial plant at Winnerden Flats, which claims it is manufacturing synthetic food, is actually an acclimatisation bridgehead for an alien invasion.

Marsh (Bryan Forbes) succumbs to a micro alien that enters his body via a V-shaped scar
Marsh (Bryan Forbes, before he became a director) succumbs to a micro alien that enters his body via a V-shaped scar

Hammer’s second Quatermass film features humans being taken over by micro aliens that leave v-shaped entry scars on their victims, CARRY ON movies regular Sid James getting machine-gunned, and a finale where the mass of micro aliens become huge blob monsters! These practical effects gunge-things only appear during the finale and are really quite effective as they squirm and wobble in our atmosphere.

Shambling mounds of alien muck!
Shambling mounds of alien muck!

The scene that always sticks in my mind is the moment the protagonists realise the oxygen pipe feeding into the alien dome has been blocked by pulped human beings! This is not shown, but just the idea of the aliens doing this to the people shocked my young brain when I first watched the film as a kid. Another effective sequence involves a member of parliament, Vincent Broadhead (Chatto), sneaking a look at the ‘food’ in one of the domes, which results in him getting burned by the stuff and staggering down metal steps, covered in black, smoking, corrosive slime.

 Broadhead dies unpleasantly
Broadhead dies unpleasantly

The industrial plant location is utilised well by director Val Guest. It was a real oil refinery at Shell Haven in Stanford-le-Hope, Essex, on the Thames Estuary (and it had been used previously as the location for the Winnerden Flats alien complex in the BBC serial too). The grim and overcast cinematography of director of photography Gerald Gibbs, and matte paintings courtesy of special effects designer Les Bowie (used to add the giant incubation domes to the complex), all combine to make the place a believable, forbidding central location, adding immeasurably to the enjoyment of the film.

The movie nicely creates a feeling of slow-building tension as Quatermass and others realise that the aliens have already started to take over various officials in positions of power, imbuing the film with INVASION OF THE BODYSNATCHERS vibes, though QUATERMASS 2 is definitely not a retread of that story, remaining a production that is most definitely full of the kind of intriguing plotting you expect from a Nigel Kneale script.

Another look at the blob monsters!
Another look at the blob monsters!

Here are some posters for the movie…

Italian poster
Italian poster
US poster
US poster
French poster
French poster
Belgian poster
Belgian poster
US poster
US poster
Italian poster
Italian poster
UK quad poster
UK quad poster
French poster
French poster

The Beast in the River (2023)

Cannons are fired into the river by Sheriff Hu to kill the creature, which he thinks is just a large fish...
Cannons are fired into the river by Sheriff Hu to kill the creature, which he thinks is just a large fish…

Starring Lim Youwei, Hong Siyang, Wang Tingwen, He Jiangfeng and Gao Shaowei. Written by Wu Weijuan and Zhu Zifa. Directed by Zhang Wei for New Studios Pictures/Shandong Harmony Pictures/Anhui Mengyu Pictures.

Single parent Gu Zhiyuan (Youwei) does low-paid dock work after leaving a life of crime, doing his best to raise his daughter Linglong (Tingwen). When a rampaging river monster comes ashore, causes havoc in the city of Tianjin, then abducts Linglong by snagging her with its tail (in a very similar way to what happens in the 2006 South Korean monster film THE HOST), Zhiyuan sets out to save his daughter.

The beast comes ashore to gobble up some of the townsfolk
The beast leaves the river to gobble up some of the townsfolk

Aided by his journalist sister-in-law Xiaowei (Siyang) and a couple of his friends, Zhiyuan discovers that Wu Xun, a senior doctor at the local children’s hospital, is the man responsible for creating the beast during experiments aimed, so he claims, at saving ill children’s lives. Wu says that he will help them capture the creature, which is using the extensive sewer systems below the city as its lair…

The critter climbs across a roof
The critter climbs across a roof

Lots of action takes place within the labyrinthine sewers, as Zhiyuen, armed with a trident, slashes the creature and leads the enraged beast into a trap, where it is ensnared in a chain net. But Zhiyuan is immediately betrayed by Wu, who is in league with local mob kingpin Master Kun. Wu doesn’t want the beast to be killed, which causes a rift with Master Kun, leading to a shootout in the sewers, enabling the creature to escape.

The toothy bugger roams the sewers
The toothy bugger roams the sewers

After some melodramatics following the death of his best pal, Zhiyuen is arrested on false charges by the Tianjin cops, but Xiaowei persuades the inept head policeman, Sheriff Hu, to let Zhiyuen walk free and hunt for the beast with his officers.

The usual dynamic promotional art
The usual dynamic promotional art

Zhiyuen and one of his buddies capture the creature in the sewers once more but, yet again, Wu intervenes, threatening to shoot the recently-saved Linglong if his beloved beast is hurt. The villainous Wu, you’ll be glad to find out, does meet a fitting, fiery end, though the monster still roams free. It chases Zhiyuen and Linglong to the nearby river landing, where a cops-vs-beast face-off occurs and grappling hooks are deployed to little effect, leaving it up to Zhiyuan to deal with the beast by ramming an explosive package beneath the critter’s skin with his trident, resulting in a downbeat ending as the hero sacrifices his life to take down the monster. Post-credits, however, we are shown Zhiyuan enjoying a meal with Linglong and Xiaowei, so he obviously did survive.

The cops snag the creature with grappling hooks…
The cops snag the creature with grappling hooks and shoot at it, but to no avail...
…and then the policemen shoot at it, but to no avail…
…so our hero stabs a bag of explosives into the critter’s skin…
...and he keeps on stabbing the explosives into the beast, which finally gets blown up
…and he keeps on stabbing the explosives into the beast, which finally gets blown up

The monster in this direct-to-streaming movie, set during the Republic of China period, is a dark-skinned, toothy-faced, quadrupedal, long-tailed amphibious creature with a small-ish neural spine sail. The critter comes across as an amalgamation of the thing from THE HOST with a body structure akin to a Ray Harryhausen stop-motion creation, although the overall look has an alien creature vibe to it too. Though not in the same league as THE HOST, the CGI is passable, the action is brisk, the monster has a decent amount of screen time, and there’s a final shot after the credits to set up a sequel, making this low budget flick an entertaining Chinese creature feature that’s worth checking out.

One final look at the creature...
One final look at the creature…

Monster Movie Posters by Thomas Hodge

Thomas Hodge of The Dude Designs (which he established in 2009) is a leading figure in the welcome resurgence of the old-school film poster art style. Thomas’ work can be seen adorning posters for such films as HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN and WOULD YOU RATHER.
The posters I have chosen to share with you are wonderfully in-your-face artworks that all feature monsters, cyborgs, tentacles, zombies and so on. Well, of course they do – this is the Monster Zone, after all!

Get ready to salivate over these beauties…

FILM POSTERS

A classic monster's-hands-reaching-out-to-the-viewer horror poster design for a movie about a family that goes ice fishing and encounters a creature from the depths!
A classic monster’s-hands-reaching-out-to-the-viewer horror poster design for a movie about a family that goes ice fishing and encounters a creature from the depths! Love the ‘bloody’ title lettering!
Wow! I really love this one!
Wow! I really love this one! It’s stonkingly good!
Lots of stuff to look at in this poster
Lots of stuff to look at in this poster. Niiiiiiiice!
This film features practical make-up/creature effects. I like the emphasis put on that drooling visage!
I like the emphasis put on that drooling, featureless visage!
This poster's retro typography is great!
This poster’s retro typography is great!
Thomas gave Wolfcop a Dirty Harry pose with the biggest possible magnum thrusting out of the picture (because the original tagline was “Dity Harry… But hairier”.)
Thomas gave Wolfcop a Dirty Harry pose with the biggest possible magnum thrusting out of the picture (because the original tagline was “Dirty Harry… But hairier”.)
The main poster art for ANOTHER WOLFCOP.  Wolfcop thrusts a beer at us! 
The main poster art for the sequel, ANOTHER WOLFCOP, has Wolfcop thrusting a beer can at us this time!  This poster’s so full of detail!
This version was produced super quick for the first screening of the movie at Fantasia. It's cool how it parodies Stallone's COBRA!
This version was produced super quick for the first screening of the movie at Fantasia. It’s really fun how it parodies Stallone’s COBRA poster design!
Fox commissioned Thomas to create a ‘just for fun’ mash-up piece to promote their new film VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN online, asking Thomas to basically redo Mel Brooks' YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN poster.
Fox commissioned Thomas to create a ‘just for fun’ mash-up piece to promote their new film VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN online, asking Thomas to basically redo Mel Brooks’ YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN poster.
I really like how this one is dripping in pulpy atmosphere
I really like how this one is dripping in pulpy atmosphere
 This is a wrestling-mutant-zombie film. Great!
 This is a wrestling-mutant-zombie film. Great!
Poster art for a short film based on the Stephen King story of the same name
Poster art for a short film based on the Stephen King story of the same name
Alien abductions and homicidal maniacs in a 80s horror homage!
Alien abductions and homicidal maniacs in a 80s horror homage!
This zombie horror-comedy provided Thomas with his first chance to illustrate a full on comedy visual
This zombie horror-comedy provided Thomas with his first chance to illustrate a full on comedy visual

DVD/BLU-RAY COVERS

The cover art for the 4K Vinegar Syndrome release of FROM BEYOND. This illustration sums up the Lovecraftian fleshiness of the story very nicely!
The cover art for the 4K Vinegar Syndrome release of FROM BEYOND. This illustration sums up the Lovecraftian fleshiness of the story very effectively!
Very cool artwork for the MVD release of SPLIT SECOND (1992)
Very cool artwork for the MVD release of SPLIT SECOND. Sweet!
This is a slight reworking of the artwork Thomas did for Scream Factory, to be used for Studio Canal’s Europe-wide Blu-ray release of THEY LIVE
This is a slight reworking of the artwork Thomas did for Scream Factory, to be used for Studio Canal’s Europe-wide Blu-ray release of THEY LIVE
Blu-ray art for Vinegar Syndrome's release of the fun creature feature TICKS
Blu-ray art for Vinegar Syndrome’s release of the fun creature feature TICKS
The back of the TICKS box art features Clint Howard’s weed farmer character! Awesome!
Cover art for a Blu-ray release of an obscure 80s shot-on-video flick
Cover art for a Blu-ray release of an obscure 80s shot-on-video flick
The final of three designs Thomas did for Vinegar Syndrome’s HOME MADE HORRORS VOL. 1 box set. He decided to focus on one of the stop-motion monsters featured in WINTERBEAS
The final of three designs Thomas did for Vinegar Syndrome’s HOME MADE HORRORS VOL. 1 box set. I love the fact that he decided to focus on one of the stop-motion monsters featured in WINTERBEAST… as it rips off a rock climber’s head!
Another one of the three designs Thomas did for Vinegar Syndrome’s HOME MADE HORRORS VOL. 1 Blu-ray box set 
Cover art for Vinegar Syndrome's Blu-ray re-release of this weird cult film 
 Cover art for Vinegar Syndrome’s Blu-ray re-release of this weird cult film. That’s a very cooooool retro title lock-up 
This artwork was produced for the German Special Edition Blu-ray release
This artwork was produced for the German Special Edition Blu-ray release
Artwork for the German Blu-ray release of this hyper-violent 1991 Hong Kong movie that's loosely based on the Japanese manga 'Riki-Oh'
Artwork for the German Blu-ray release of this hyper-violent 1991 Hong Kong movie that’s loosely based on the Japanese manga ‘Riki-Oh’
The quite risqué artwork for the German special edition Blu-ray release of DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE
The quite risqué artwork for the German special edition Blu-ray release of DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE
Blu-ray cover art for Kotch Media's release of Richard Stanley's fine killer robot flick HARDWARE
Blu-ray cover art for Kotch Media’s release of Richard Stanley’s very fine killer robot flick HARDWARE
Alternative artwork created by Thomas for the Vinegar Syndrome release of Hong Kong undead-in-a-shopping-mall horror-comedy BIO ZOMBIE. This was a limited edition slip for subscribers
Alternative artwork created by Thomas for the Vinegar Syndrome release of Hong Kong undead-in-a-shopping-mall horror-comedy BIO ZOMBIE. This was a limited edition slip for subscribers. It has a super-cool graphic design look!
DVD cover artwork for 88 Entertainment’s release of the Troma classic THE TOXIC AVENGER. It’s a green, slime-tastic cover that suits the subject matter very well

Here’s artwork that Thomas created for Arrow Video’s DVD box set FANTASTIC FACTORY, which comprised four films made by Brian Yuzna’s production company (the films are ARACHNID, FAUST, BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR and ROMASANTA: THE WEREWOLF HUNT).  Thomas took a pulp pop art approach to the classic B movie poster look, and I think they turned out wonderfully…

ARACHNID was a well put together creature feature!
ARACHNID is a well put together creature feature! The practical effects spider-monster in this flick is a great-lookin’ beast!
FAUST looks good in this illustration style
FAUST looks good in this illustration style
The way Jeffrey Combs is drawn here has a Richard Corben vibe to it
The way Jeffrey Combs is drawn here has something of a Richard Corben vibe to it
Thomas ensures that the artwork for ROMASANTA: THE WEREWOLF HUNT has the same pulpy pop art look as the other three covers in this set
Thomas ensures that the artwork for ROMASANTA: THE WEREWOLF HUNT has the same pulpy pop art aesthetic as the other three covers in this set

You can check out Thomas Hodge’s Dude Designs Industries website here: https://thedudedesigns.com/?v=79cba1185463
There you will find that the website is separated into five sections; The Dude Designs (commercial design and illustration work), Dude Apparel (Thomas’ all new clothing label and store), Tom Hodge Art Prints (a store for all of his limited edition art prints), Filmography (which showcases Thomas’ work behind the camera) and Author (a section for his book releases that is coming soon).

Limited edition art print of Thomas' FRANKENSTEIN CREATED BIKERS poster illustration
Limited edition art print of Thomas’ FRANKENSTEIN CREATED BIKERS poster illustration

Finally, here are some private screen print commissions…

Very, very, very nice!
Very, very, very nice!
THE MONSTER SQUAD – awesome!

Devoted to every kind of movie and TV monster, from King Kong to Godzilla, from the Blob to Alien. Plus monsters from other media too, including books and comics.