No Way to Escape (2021)

This poster is niiiiiiiice...
This poster is niiiiiiiice…
A giant scorpion snags a fighting femme with its stinger
A giant scorpion snags a fighting femme with its stinger

Starring Yu Sichu, Xu Dongmei, Wu Youxuan, Chen Yichen and Huang Zhenghao, written by Lu Yunfei and Liang Zhongfan, directed by Lu Yunfei. Produced by Chang Bin, Yao Ling, Fu Juan, Wang Lin and Hu Nan.

Don't mess with this lass
Don’t mess with this lass

Three foxy mercenary women are tasked with acting as bodyguards for young Dr Harwin, who is being sent on a mission, as part of a Special Emergency Response Team, to an underground base called Deep Pit located within the western Gobi Desert. This bunker-building, run by OHM Technologies and the military, is a centre for nuclear materials research, but there’s been a gamma ray leak at the bottom of the base, causing the place to be locked down, trapping many researchers inside. After entering the subterranean building it all gets messy when Colonel Krumbach, the leader of the Special Emergency Response Team, orders his troops to start shooting any scientists still surviving in the base, because he doesn’t want witnesses as he prepares to unleash a plan for world domination that relies on the use of giant, mutated scorpions!

A huge scorpion rams its stinger right through a soldier's chest
A huge scorpion rams its stinger right through a soldier’s chest

NO WAY TO ESCAPE seems to be set in some unspecified country that has a diverse ethnic mix within its military, though the good guys do tend to be the Chinese characters. Some of the acting, especially the western dudes playing the obnoxious grunts, is not likely to win any awards. There’s an occasional naff FX shot of helicopters at the start (why do helicopters often look ropey in these sort of films?), but the movie has better production values and art direction compared to similar US flicks made by The Asylum and their ilk. This movie also delivers more on-screen CGI monster action compared to its American counterparts. An added bonus is the fact that NO WAY TO ESCAPE (like other recent Chinese genre flicks) is a commendably short film. It’s definitely no time-waster.

Mid-size mutant scorpions attack!
Mid-size mutant scorpions attack!
Blasting away at the arthropods
Blasting away at the arthropods
A bad guy gets overrun by the scorpions: he deserved it!
A bad guy gets overrun by the scorpions: he deserved it!

When the soldiers, devoid of empathy, murder every researcher they encounter, you find yourself hoping they will get fragged by the massive scorpions at some point, which does, indeed, start to happen. Yay! The svelte and heroic she-soldiers, called Bijiao, Baizhi & Guiche, obviously end up battling these killer arachnids too, but they’re far more skilled and able to deal with these stinger-tailed buggers!

One of the heroines shoots a scorpion, probably in its face!
One of the heroines shoots a scorpion, probably in its face!

There’s definitely stuff to enjoy in NO WAY TO ESCAPE. I kinda liked one of the bigger scorpions, which was a CGI creation, of course, but it had a neat, stop-motion jerkiness to its movements sometimes. There’s also a nice behavioural touch given to Dr Harwin, who always plays with lego or jigsaws as he works things out, hinting that, perhaps, he’s on the spectrum.

A gal and a guy unleash some lead into the big bugs
A gal and a guy unleash some lead into the big bugs

Creature-wise, there are several giant scorpions that differ slightly size-wise, plus the occasional swarm of normal-looking, small scorpions that are actually capable of boring their way through human bodies.

The biggest scorpion smashes up a truck
The biggest scorpion smashes up a truck

The script is forgettable, but a film with action scenes involving Asian Lara Croft wannabes armed with daggers, skirmishing with giant scorpions, is not to be sniffed at, right?

One of the female mercs is chased by a scorpion at the bottom of the secret base
One of the female mercs is chased by a scorpion at the bottom of the secret base

These gals are so tough they never seem to consider using guns against these arthropods, they just wanna start slashing the big bugs with their blades! There’s one extended fight between these three female furies and a scorpion, deep down in the bunker, that is really rather exciting, as the lethal ladies take turns to jump atop the scorpion to skewer it. They then get in some wirework practice as they’re hurled across the chamber by the angry beast! 

These women like to stab scorpions! They'll stab 'em in their tails...
These women like to stab the scorpions with their knives! They’ll stab ’em in their tails…
...and these ferocious fighting femmes will stab 'em in the back too!
…and these ferocious fighting femmes will stab ’em in the back too!

This promotional art doesn’t even bother showing the monster scorpions, it just focuses of the deadly female protagonists…

This trio are ready for action!
This trio are ready for action!

Let’s end this review of one more shot of a giant, six-eyed scorpion…

A monstrous mug shot...
A monstrous mug shot…

Destroy All Monsters (1968)

DESTROY ALL MONSTERS is a movie you must respect!
DESTROY ALL MONSTERS is a movie you must respect!

Godzilla visits the UN building!
Godzilla visits the UN building!

Starring Akira Kubo, Jun Tazaki, Yukiko Kobayashi and Yoshio Tsuchiya. Written by Takeshi Kimura and Ishirō Honda, directed by Ishirō Honda, with music by Akira Ifukube. Special effects directed by Sadamasa Arikawa (aka Teisho Arikawa), with Eiji Tsuburaya in a supervisory role.

Don't trust these ladies...
Don’t trust these ladies…

Ah, the wonderful world of Toho’s Shōwa-era Kaiju flicks… set in that stupendous universe where monsters are an everyday occurrence, the suits worn by astronauts are bright, primary colours (bright yellow in the case of this film), cities are regularly wiped-out (but always reconstitute themselves for the next movie) and the armed forces are always on standby with their numerous rocket launchers, jets and tanks (which pretty much never have the proper firepower to really hurt the monsters!)

Spiega (aka Kumonga)
Spiega (aka Kumonga)
Gorosaurus and Godzilla
Gorosaurus and Godzilla
Astronauts on a mission

In DESTROY ALL MONSTERS Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra (larval stage), Anguirus, Gorosaurus, Manda and other denizens of Monsterland (aka Monster Island) become the pawns of an alien race, called the Kilaaks, who use mind-control devices to turn the (now quite benign creatures) into aggressive, city-wrecking weapons of mass destruction.

Manda on the move
Manda on the move

DESTROY ALL MONSTERS is a staggeringly fun production, with cell-animated laser effects, some sweet model work, a satisfyingly large quota of monsters, and a knockabout final fight near Mount Fuji, where the re-grouped Earth super-critters kick and bite Ghidorah the three-headed space dragon until he’s trashed!

Marching off to war
Marching off to war
Gorosaurus knows kung fu!
Gorosaurus knows kung fu!

The best two portions of the film are the opening scenes, where we get a tour of Monsterland that shows us all the great beasties chilling out on their island home, and, of course, the aforementioned no holds barred multi-monster battle sequence at the end.

Stonkingly amazing stuff!

Rodan chillin' on Monsterland
Rodan chillin’ on Monsterland isle
Fight!!!
Fight!!!
Ghidorah is hard b*stard - but did he really think he could beat ALL those other monsters?!
Ghidorah is a hard b*stard – but did he really think he could beat ALL those other monsters?!

Here are a whole bunch of posters and other artworks that help to glorify the awesomeness that is DESTROY ALL MONSTERS…

US poster - art by Reynold Brown
US poster – art by Reynold Brown
French poster
French poster
US poster
US poster
Turkish poster
Turkish poster
Italian poster - making DESTROY ALL MONSTERS look like a King Kong movie!
Italian poster – making DESTROY ALL MONSTERS look like a King Kong movie!
Japanese poster
Japanese poster
French poster
French poster
US poster
US poster
Uk quad double bill poster
UK quad double bill poster
German poster. The Germans always title Godzilla films with the name 'Frankenstein'!
German poster. The Germans always title Godzilla films with the name ‘Frankenstein’!
Japanese poster
Japanese poster
Finnish poster
Finnish poster
Italian poster
Italian poster
Turkish poster - they've added lots of Gappas to this poster!
Turkish poster – they’ve added lots of Gappas to this poster!
Spanish poster
Spanish poster
Yes, this is another Italian DESTROY ALL MONSTERS poster that thinks it's a King Kong poster!
Yes, this is another Italian DESTROY ALL MONSTERS poster that thinks it’s a King Kong poster!
Belgian poster
Belgian poster
Italian poster
Italian poster
Mondo poster by Paul Mann
Mondo poster by Paul Mann
Mondo poster by Florian Bertmer
Mondo poster by Florian Bertmer
Art by Jerry Winnett
Art by Scott Jackson
Art by Scott Jackson
Criterion Collection artwork
Criterion Collection artwork
The Monster Times cover
The Monster Times cover
Publicity mock-up
Publicity mock-up
Art from book published by Asahi Sonorama
Art from book published by Asahi Sonorama

Here’s a behind the scenes shot of the filmmakers working on a scene with Manda…

Manda is a pretty big puppet
Manda is a pretty big puppet

Let’s end this post with a chance to see Ghidorah getting stomped…

Don't mess with Godzilla, buddy!
Don’t mess with Godzilla, buddy!

Deep Sea Mutant Snake (2022)

A big snake on a cruise liner!
A big snake on a cruise liner!

Starring Zhao Yixin, Li Jiayi, Qiu Shijian, Jiang Yan-Xi, Emir and Waise Lee, written by Wu Yang, Ma Huai-Chang and Dina Hamiti. Directed by Wu Yang for Culture Media Co/Rabbit Hole Film.

These new Chinese monster movies always boast nice promo illustrations
These new Chinese monster movies always boast nice promo illustrations

A research complex on a remote island, used for genetic experiments on snakes by a company called the Carsi Group, is forcefully shut down by its owner (Waise Lee), who even allows his soldiers to mercilessly gun down the scientists (as also happens in the Chinese monster-actioner NO WAY TO ESCAPE), but (surprise, surprise) some of the scaly lab-modified creatures survive…

Battling babes get ready to take on a serpent...
Battling babes get ready to take on a serpent…
...and one of the the she-fighters leaps at the reptile and stabs it with her dagger
…and one of the femme fighters leaps at the reptile and stabs it with her dagger

Featuring what is probably the most beloved type of monster used in this recent wave of Chinese creature features – a massive snake beast – the film begins on the island, switches to a cruise ship location for the movie’s midsection, then returns to the island for the finale.

There's a giant snake right behind you, mate!
There’s a giant snake right behind you, mate!
Normal-sized snakes slither all over the ship
Normal-sized snakes slither all over the ship

After multitudes of the normal-sized, aggressive lab snakes, plus a much larger serpent, crawl up onto the ship we are treated to lots of snakes-on-a-cruise-ship hijinks, as a motley bunch of survivors, led by no-nonsense hero Qin (Yixin), dash about the corridors to avoid the slithering killers. Adding to the danger is the truly massive, crested, mutant snake that rises from the sea and wraps itself around the doomed vessel.

The really huge mutant snake towers over the ship
The really huge mutant snake towers over the ship

Qin and those who’ve managed to avoid the venomous reptiles escape the ship on an inflatable life raft that drifts to the island from which the savage serpents had originated. Here the plot becomes even more monster-tastic, as the characters encounter different types of killer creatures that’ve mutated thanks to the leakage of chemicals from the abandoned labs. My favourite new critters are giant barnacles that cluster along the shoreline. These can extend long, fleshy, prehensile mouthparts to chow down on victims!

Barnacle beasts!
Barnacle beasts!
A barnacle's toothy appendage grabs a victim!
A barnacle’s toothy appendage grabs a victim!
These mutant barnacles are definitely my favourite monsters in this film!
These mutant barnacles are definitely my favourite monsters in this film!

Another monster that’s encountered is a massive, stilt-legged spider that lurks in the tree canopy and is definitely a rip off of the very, very similar bamboo forest arachnid seen in KONG: SKULL ISLAND (2017).

I've seen a long-legged spider-monster like this somewhere before...
I’ve seen a long-legged spider-monster like this somewhere before…

Zhao Yixin plays Qin as a very committed, serious dude on a mission, though he does get to have a sad, reflective moment as he recalls his dead love, who had died earlier investigating the Carsi Group. Qin and the few survivors are, of course, threatened yet again by the mega-snake, but they devise a plan that ends with the snake falling off a cliff and getting chewed to death by the berserk barnacles!

The barnacles attack the mega-snake!
The barnacles attack the mega-snake!

Despite a misleading title (the mutant snake comes from an island, not the deep sea) and colourful promo illustrations that suggest the lead character will be some kind of gun-toting, super-fighter femme fatale (even though that particular character is killed off near the start of the tale), DEEP SEA MUTANT SNAKE is still a perfectly fine example of the typical sort of Chinese monster movie currently being created.

This artwork is niiiiiice
This artwork is niiiiiice

One more look at those cool mutant barnacles…

This one has just eaten somebody
This one has just eaten somebody

Mutant Ghost Wargirl (2022)

It's called MUTANT GHOST WARGIRL: 'nuff said!
It’s called MUTANT GHOST WARGIRL: ’nuff said!
South Korea, 2077
South Korea, 2077

Starring Mu Qimiya, Li Mingxuan, Liu Beige, Cui Zhenzhen, Zheng Yan, Shang Na and Deng Haowen. Written by Xiao Ye, directed by Liu Binjie, produced by Xu Hao, Du Jian and Wang Rui  for Cappu films & Error 404 Productions

Mutant monster alert!
Mutant monster alert!

In 2077, at a time when gene tech has advanced immeasurably, private consortiums invest in gene mutation research, developing mutant warriors with super abilities for use in underground death-combat competitions. In order to keep on top of the increasing mutant crime, the International Security Alliance Organization has been established.

You don't want this woman to smash you with her elbow
You don’t want this woman to smash you with her elbow

Ghost (Qimiya) is an ISAO operative who has been captured by the crime group Medusa Consortium in Korea. Ghost had been on an undercover mission, using the name Wu, but the Medusa Consortium has experimented on her, injecting her with genetic induction solution, resulting in Ghost acquiring powers and losing her memory, so when smart-suited members of the International Security Alliance Organization storm into an experimentation chamber to save her, Ghost/Wu doesn’t know what the hell is happening to her.

You also don't want this woman to smash you on top of your head with her boot
You also don’t want this woman to smash you on top of your head with her boot
Ghost, also known as Wu, is experimented on by a criminal organization
Ghost, also known as Wu, is experimented on by a criminal organization

A shoot-out ensues and it seems that the ISAO operatives are owning the situation… until a huge, slavering mutant monster is unleashed on them! This beast has a maw full of pink, squid-like tentacles and can split open its face like the Demogorgon from STRANGER THINGS. Ghost kicks into action and slices off some of the creature’s tentacle-tongues, but, as she attempts to escape, a leather-clad female Medusa agent with a sharp, blonde wig and super abilities, including teleportation and telekinesis powers, gets in her way, forcing Ghost to unleash her own still-developing mutation-induced skills to do battle with blondie.

Ghost and the ISAO agents face-off against a mutant creature...
Ghost and the ISAO agents face-off against a mutant creature…
...and this monster can eject tentacles from its mouth!
…and this monster can eject tentacles from its mouth!
The beast's face can also peel back like flesh petals
The beast’s face can also peel back like flesh petals

Ghost finally breaks out of the chamber (hidden at the back of a plastic surgery hospital), blacks out and wakes up in an apartment, owned by nice-guy special agent Zhou Yang (Mingxuan). As the plot progresses, we’re introduced to various villains and learn of the different categories of super-humans that have been artificially created, including Class A, Class B and S-Class mutants.

Ghost and agent Zhou Yang
Ghost and agent Zhou Yang

Ghost, who can move so fast that time seems to stand still, also has enhanced strength and is very handy with a long blade. Her powers seem to vary and are not clearly defined, and she uses some skills more sparingly than others. Opponents she faces-off against include Class A mutant Cui Youxi – who can encase her arm in rocks and can manipulate cement & stone as weapons, S-Class mutant Angela – who’s equipped with healing powers, plus high-ranking, wildcard Medusa baddie Li Yongshun – who has heightened telekinesis powers. 

Cui Youxi can cover her fist and forearm in rocks!
Cui Youxi can cover her fist and forearm in rocks!

Though we are led to believe that we’ll be witnessing some illegally-streamed, gladiatorial-style death matches, we see very little of them. That’s not to say that we don’t get mutant-powered fights, which are mainly showdowns that occur between ghost and her various pursuers. The skirmish between Angela and Ghost is resolved quicker than expected, especially considering Angela is meant to be a super-tough S-Class mutant, but the end fight confrontation focusing on a blade-wielding Ghost going up against Li Yongshun is better, with Ghost seemingly outclassed at first, getting telekinetically hurled around an opulent room, smashing into walls and pillars, spitting out gouts of blood as she’s injured. Even when she starts fighting back she has to contend with her opponent filling the air with hundreds of glass shards.

Li Yongshun controls a cloud of glass shards
Li Yongshun controls a cloud of broken glass
A high-kicking, colourful, superficial time-waster
A high-kicking, colourful, superficial time-waster

Ultimately, MUTANT GHOST WARGIRL doesn’t live up to the promise of its beginning, where we were treated to shots of Ghost and the ISAO agents fighting the massive muto-monster and the foxy, bewigged blonde Medusa agent in the experimental chamber. Nothing that follows manages to be quite as good or as outlandish as that opening sequence.

The wig-wearing telekinetic villainess
The wig-wearing telekinetic villainess

But the film, which is obviously influenced by AKIRA (hologram-festooned future cityscapes & some similar-sounding wraith-like choral music), GHOST IN THE SHELL (geisha robots) and X-MEN (super-powered mutants), does manage to always look good. There are some fun, high-kicking battling babe scraps, some decent quality, detailed CGI effects, and the art direction is consistently eye-catching, meaning that this Chinese flick, though superficial and far from original, never outstays its welcome.

At one point Ghost seems to freeze time when she moves very quickly
At one point Ghost seems to freeze time when she moves very quickly
Though the various pieces of super-colourful promotional artworks seem to promise more than is delivered, this flick is still a diverting, though derivative, sci-fi-actioner
Though the various pieces of super-colourful promotional artwork seem to promise more than is delivered, this flick is still a diverting, though derivative, sci-fi-actioner

Snow Monster (2019)

This horned yeti is huge!
This horned yeti is huge!
Beauty and the beast
Beauty and the beast

Starring Wu Juncheng, Zhang Yongxian and Tang Xin, written by Sheng Fan Zhang and Pian Jia Leng, directed by Huang He.

Roar!
Roar!

Also known as SNOW MONSTER VS ICE SHARK, this was made for Chinese streaming platform Youku. The story is set in 2045 and sees the Hong Gene Research advance team exploring an unknown Arctic area which, we are informed, has unstable magnetic fields that suggest the zone could produce genetic variations. Contact is lost with the advance team, so Ren Yi Fei (Juncheng) is asked to lead a rescue mission, which he readily accepts to do because his ex-girlfriend, Xiao Qin (Yongxian), is one of the missing researchers.

Also known as SNOW MONSTER VS ICE SHARK
Also known misleadingly as SNOW MONSTER VS ICE SHARK

Ren and his team, which includes chubby motormouth Wen (Xin), kindly Hong Gene Research exec Uncle Lin, beefy dreadlocked dude Tyson and some armed mercenary-types, don’t begin an arduous trek through snowy landscapes, which is what I expected. Instead, they actually go to a Chinese temple ruin and, after CGI rock spires thrust from the ground, enter a cavernous area littered with the skeletons of Qi Dynasty soldiers. Here they’re assaulted by flocks of jagged-beaked crow-like cave-birds that locate their victims via sound. Individual birds in this sequence look better than the CGI shots of them swarming around en masse. After tramping through the caves, the rescue team almost immediately reaches a mountainous Arctic region! Either the filmmakers have no real concept of distance, or this quick transition is due to the ‘quantum malfunctions’ and the ‘space rainbow layer hypothesis’ that Uncle Lin eagerly talks about for a while.

One of the cave-birds crawls from a human skull
One of the cave-birds crawls from a human skull

Passing by the skeleton of a carnivorous dinosaur in the snowy wastes, the team is suddenly attacked by a huge ice shark! At first I assumed the spiky-chinned killer fish had leapt from an unseen lake beneath an ice sheet, but no: this critter actually swims through the snow, in a way similar to the titular creature from the US cheapie SNOW SHARK: ANCIENT SNOW BEAST (2011)! Unlike in that film, or AVALANCHE SHARKS (2014), the shark in SNOW MONSTER looks pretty cool and effective! This leaping shark, which has a mouthful of super-sharp teeth, seems set to devour the team, but a gigantic yeti-like creature grabs the shark, slams it against rocks, then munches on it. This is a dumb-yet-fun sequence!

An ice shark leaps from the snow!
An ice shark leaps from the snow!
The ice shark has LOTS of teeth!
The ice shark has LOTS of teeth!
The snow monster kills the ice shark
The snow monster kills the ice shark

This seriously huge man-beast is the creature we’ve come to see! It has ram-like horns and is reminiscent of an enormous, more benign version of the wampa seen in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980). It seems to be portrayed mainly by a man in a suit, though the bleached-out nature of the snowy landscapes, which are nearly all green screen stage shots, make the white-furred snow monster look quite recessive much of the time, so the creature can be mistaken for a CGI creation even when it isn’t. 

A close-up of the snow monster's visage
A close-up of the snow monster’s visage

Anyway, the mega-yeti seems friendly, but a scared merc accidentally fires at the snow monster, and the rescue team looks to be in big, big trouble yet again, but a tribe of elf-eared indigenous folk come to help out and it’s revealed that their queen can communicate with the snow monster, which is considered to be a sacred animal that the tribe meets on the third day of the twelfth lunar month every year.

The elf-eared folk begin their ceremony...
The elf-eared folk begin their ceremony…
...the snow beast appears...
…and the snow beast appears

The movie’s subtle score is quite affecting in places. I’d even go so far as to say that the music sometimes counterbalances the so-so nature of the special effects, making some scenes better than they had any right of being, such as when our heroes and the tribespeople are visited by the humungous snow monster during a key ritual. It’s actually rather poignant when Ren and Xia Qin bond with the beast by touching one of its big, black fingernails.

...and the creature extends a finger for the protagonists to touch...
The creature extends a finger for the protagonists to touch…
...and the snow beast bonds with the humans
…and the snow beast bonds with the good humans

This quiet moment is broken when the mercenaries, led by Uncle Lin, who has revealed that he is, in fact, a dastardly cad called Mr Henry, fire missiles and shoot at the snow monster. The yeti is hit with one of Mr Henry’s electrified super-bullets and falls from view. The mercs then shoot a lot of the tribe and force the queen to lead them to the snow monster, but she takes them instead to a zone full of yet more ice sharks! The sharks get electrocuted, though, and things get ugly when the queen is shot, which enrages the snow monster. The dying queen passes a sacred bangle to her acrobatic warrior-woman daughter Kaya… and then fighter jets arrive!? The planes use magnetic sound waves to subdue the towering yeti, buying time for Mr Henry to shoot the snow monster with another electro-bullet, further entrapping the yeti so that he can hopefully extract gene samples from the creature, which the villain claims will be full of mysterious, useful qualities.

Mr Henry with his big gun that fires electro-bullets
Mr Henry with his big gun that fires electro-bullets

After a finale that comes complete with exploding jets, kung fu scuffles and Mr Henry getting squashed under the yeti’s huge hand, the snow monster shares a look with Kaya, acknowledging her as the successor to the dead queen.

Pointy-eared tribespeople
Pointy-eared tribespeople

As with so many of the tsunami of Chinese-made monster movies recently released, the poster artwork promises more than the film can hope to deliver but, damn it, I ended up enjoying this creature feature anyway, shoddy though it sometimes is in the FX department, mainly because the director managed to inject some heart into the latter stages of the production.

The artwork makes the snow monster look far more nasty
The artwork makes the snow monster look far more nasty

Let’s end with a final look at one of those nifty ice sharks…

The shark opens its toothsome maw!
The shark opens its toothsome maw!

Warriors of Future (2022)

Starring Louis Koo, Lau Ching-Wan, Philip Keung, Carina Lau, Tse Kwan Ho, Wan Guopeng, Wu Qian, He Guoxuan and So Yuet-Yin. Written by Lau Ho-Leung and Mak Tin-Shu. Directed by Ng Yuen Fai and produced by Tang Wai-But for One Cool Film Production, Media Asia Films & Hua Wen Movie Group.

Killer alien plant-tendrils! Soldiers in powered exo-suits!
Killer alien plant-tendrils! Soldiers in powered exo-suits!

Numerous wars and the ongoing destruction of the environment lead to an increase in dangerous toxins in the air, so the people of a desperate future Earth begin to build Skynet domes in the hope of providing better air for its citizens… but then a meteorite crashes earthwards, releasing a giant, ever-growing alien plant that begins to infest an urban region known as B16. This voracious vegetation, codenamed Pandora, expands in deadly bursts during heavy rainfall, and a squad of soldiers from B16’s Air Combat Unit are sent on a mission to locate Pandora’s hidden pistil (its reproductive centre) so that they can detonate a ‘gene bullet’ in the hope that it will reprogram the enormous plant to become a docile cleanser of Earth’s atmosphere… but our heroes must do this before the next major rainstorm, or the authorities will be forced to heavily bomb Pandora, which will result in a heavy loss of human life in the surrounding city. To make matters even more difficult, there is a traitor who wants this mission to fail…

Some of the skyscrapers in the B16 zone are swathed in alien plant life
Some of the skyscrapers in the B16 zone are swathed in alien plant life
Military aircraft shoot up some aggressive alien flowers
Military aircraft shoot up some aggressive alien flowers

The visuals for WARRIORS OF FUTURE can sometimes become really overloaded with CGI, but at least the quality of the special effects is much better than those seen in similar flicks. We get to see vast, vine-shrouded cityscapes, tiltrotor aircraft firing at angry plant appendages, collapsing buildings and crashing military hardware. The helmer of this Hong Kong action-sci-fi fest is Ng Yuen Fai, who usually works as a visual effects supervisor, so it’s hardly surprising this production is chock-full of special effects eye candy.

Lots of wrecked cityscapes
Lots of wrecked cityscapes

After the attack fleet gets heavily depleted, partly due to sabotage, the few surviving soldiers are aided by military desk jockey Johnson Cheng (Ching-Wan) and an ex-soldier called Skunk (Keung). With time running out, the group attempts to complete their mission, but now they must defend themselves from swarms of human-sized bug/crustacean creatures too! These alien critters have mandibles, teeth, four eyes, can communicate using their vibrating neck-plates, and resemble feral versions of the ‘prawns’ from DISTRICT 9 (2009). As I’m an avid movie monster fan, I was delighted, of course, to see these beasties, though, from a plot perspective, they do tend to make you forget that the Pandora plant, often dormant and offscreen between rainfall scenes, is supposed to be the main threat. It is eventually revealed, however, that these chitinous creatures actually originate from Pandora’s pistil.

Bug-beast!
Bug-beast!
Tyler tussles with one of the alien critters!
Tyler tussles with one of the alien critters!
An alien calls out to its lethal cohorts using vibrating neck-plates
An alien calls out to its lethal cohorts using vibrating neck-plates
Shooting up a bug!
Shooting up a bug!

Characterisations are sketchy, with Tyler (Koo) given the kind of parent-grieving-a-dead-child backstory we’ve seen too many times before, whilst quirky Skunk is provided with a minor character arc when he proves himself to be a dependable soldier once more. Lau Ching-Wan, reliably stoic as Johnson, is perfectly fine in his role, but he really needed more from the script to have any chance of properly fleshing out his character. The by-the-numbers plotting means this film, ultimately, is similar to other throwaway sci-fi spectaculars like THE TOMORROW WAR (2021), but, hey, WARRIORS OF FUTURE still managed to grab my attention as the storyline progressed. Let’s find out why…

Lau Ching-Wan plays Johnson Cheng
Lau Ching-Wan plays Johnson Cheng
Louis Koo plays Tyler

A sequence within a crumbling tower block, where Tyler and Johnson try to retrieve the gene bullet from a vehicle dangling high up above the ruins, is satisfyingly tense, pulling you into the adventure. Even more exciting and gripping is a chase set piece that follows, with the heroes hurtling along an elevated, deserted highway in an armoured truck, pursued by rogue military robots. Lots of ordnance is fired and lots of stuff gets wrecked! This is a high-octane burst of kinetic, tough, computer game-like sci-fi action; when all the cluster bombs and bullets are used up, the combatants resort to fighting with axes, knives and even a car door! Ticking clocks are also used well, with characters always on the back foot as they race against time to reach their goals before the next storm arrives and the entire area gets bombed to smithereens.

The dangling vehicle scene becomes quite gripping
The dangling vehicle scene becomes quite gripping
If these guys run out of ammo they use knives and axes
If these guys run out of ammo they use knives and axes

The film boasts some hellishly cool hardware; everything from the Air Combat Unit’s Orca aircraft, the nifty, powered exo-suits with in-helmet comm systems, and a walking robo-tank that’s reminiscent of a similar machine in GHOST IN THE SHELL (1995).

A walking, heavily-armoured robo-tank
A walking, heavily-armoured robo-tank

The script is nothing to write home about, but this is a thrilling, big-scale Hong Kong sci-fi crowd-pleaser. Bug-monsters, explosions, utterly huge extraterrestrial tendrils, rocket launchers, robots, mass property destruction and slo-mo future combat: what’s not to like?!

Why not give it a watch?
Why not give it a watch?

A Chinese Odyssey Part Two: Cinderella (1995)

Pigsy looks surprised!
Pigsy looks surprised!
King Bull is a big obstacle again
King Bull is a big obstacle in the story again

Starring Stephen Chow, Ng Man-Tat, Athena Chu, Ada Choi, Yammie Lam Kit-Ying and Karen Mok. Directed by Jeffrey Lau for Color Star Films and Xi’an Film Studio.

Monkey King returns!
Monkey King returns!
Stephen Chow and Athena Chu
Stephen Chow (as Joker) and Athena Chu
Stephen Chow as Monkey King
Stephen Chow as Monkey King

In this sequel to A CHINESE ODYSSEY PART ONE: PANDORA’S BOX we follow the comedic adventures of Joker/Monkey King (Chow) after he is sent 500 years into the past. Here he once more encounters characters like Longevity Monk and King Bull.

Nice Chinese artwork
Nice Chinese artwork

In this Hong Kong action-comedy-fantasy flick our hero is torn between two loves in a story that relies on a lot of body-swapping humour, such as when a female character switches bodies with Pigsy (Man-Tat). There’s also a running joke concerning Longevity Monk, who is portrayed as such an insufferably irritating chatterbox that bovine warriors would rather kill themselves than listen to him!

Longevity Monk natters so much this bull guard stabs himself to death!
Longevity Monk natters so much this bull guard stabs himself to death!

This time around we’re introduced to Princess Iron Fan (Choi), a bat-eared villain called Old Black Mountain Devil that can sniff away a person’s life, and King Bull’s many minions, who have visages resembling dogs, lizards and birds. 

Here are some of King Bull's animal-faced minions
Here are some of King Bull’s animal-faced minions
Old Black Mountain Devil is on the prowl...
Old Black Mountain Devil is on the prowl…
...and he tries to sniff Joker's life-force from his body
…and he tries to sniff Joker’s life-force from his body

With Joker finally becoming Monkey King, he battles King Bull, who uses a magic fan to cause earthquakes and winds, sending the city and everyone within it hurtling towards the sun! Monkey King saves the day, helps the new incarnations of Joker and his lover Zixia find romance, then heads off across the desert with his master.

King Bull!
King Bull!
DVD sleeve
DVD sleeve

Part two, directed by Jeffrey Lau, who also made OPERATION PINK SQUAD II and SAVIOUR OF THE SOUL, is certainly a mad ride, but A CHINESE ODYSSEY PART ONE: PANDORA’S BOX (also directed by Lau) is funnier, with better-handled set pieces compared to this follow-up.

It’s a fun flick!

Tentacles (1977)

Directed by Ovidio G. Assonitis, written by Jerome Max, Tito (ALIEN FROM THE DEEP) Carpi and Steven W. Carabatsos, starring John (THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE) Huston, Bo (MUTANT) Hopkins, Shelley (PETE’S DRAGON) Winters, Henry (THE SWARM) Fonda, Delia Boccardo, Cesare (VALLEY OF THE DRAGONS) Danova, Sherry (ZOMBIE HOLOCAUST) Buchanan and Claude (BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES) Akins.

Shelley Winters wears a very large hat
Shelley Winters wears a very large hat

People are being killed near a seaside town and marine biologist Will Gleason (Hopkins) and journalist Ned Turner (Huston) discover that the Trojan company, run by Mr Whitehead (Fonda), has been using ultrasonic drilling techniques, which have disturbed and enraged a giant octopus. With the death toll rising, Gleason, whose wife has been killed, finally uses two trained killer whales to take down the huge cephalopod.

US insert poster
US insert poster

TENTACLES, which was one of the many animal attack movies to come out after the success of JAWS, is laughed at and derided by many reviewers, who claim it is a really awful production.

A dead victim is pulled through the water with his feet in the air
A dead victim is pulled through the water with his feet in the air

But, and I really don’t fully know why, I (quite) like this cheese-tastic creature feature! I did see it in the theatre when it first came out, so I guess I’ve always retained a soft spot for it.

Octo-attack!
Octo-attack!

The score, by Stelvio Cipriani, is really nifty: full of harpsichords, plus some electronic music. To be honest, this soundtrack is far too good for the film!

Somehow the producers of this American-set Italian monster movie managed to snag John Huston, Henry Fonda, Shelly Winters and Bo Hopkins to appear in the film, with Hopkins and Huston coming across better onscreen compared to the others (though Huston does refer to the creature as a squid in one scene, rather than an octopus.)

Henry Fonda plays an unscrupulous businessman
Henry Fonda plays an unscrupulous businessman
The octopus attacks a boat
The octopus assaults a boat

Director Ovidio G. Assonitis, who also did uncredited work on PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING, is no great talent, that’s for sure, but he does come up with some interesting stylistic choices, such as using still frames in a yacht attack sequence and doing some sequences without sound effects. He also manages to make the widescreen film look pretty good, considering it was produced on a low budget.

The cephalopod ruins a regatta
The cephalopod ruins a regatta
Lobby card
Lobby card

There’s an okay diving bell scene that has the giant octopus’ eye suddenly peering through the diving bell’s porthole, a decent nighttime attack on a boat stands out as one of the film’s better set pieces, plus an early sequence, where a child in a pushchair is unknowingly put in jeopardy, is pretty effective.

The octopus stares into the diving bell
The octopus stares into the diving bell

On the negative side, some plot threads are left dangling and most of the time the filmmakers merely use a real, normal-sized octopus to represent the monster, though prop tentacles and a prop octopus head & eye are featured sparingly. The film is also not very gory, unfortunately, and it ends with shots of a dead, real octopus being ripped to pieces by model killer whales!

So, if you go into this knowing it certainly has (a fair few) flaws, you might actually find the film watchable.

A real octopus used in the film
A real octopus used in the film

Here are various TENTACLES assets…

UK quad poster: I saw this double bill in the cinema!
UK quad poster: I saw this double bill in the cinema!
Turkish poster
Turkish poster
Japanese poster
Japanese poster
French poster
French poster
Finnish video cover
Finnish video cover

Japanese poster painted by the late, great Noriyoshi Ohrai
Japanese poster painted by the late, great Noriyoshi Ohrai 
Blu-ray cover art by Graham Humphreys for 88 Films
Blu-ray cover art by Graham Humphreys for 88 Films
Impactful Brazilian artwork
Brazilian asset using Noriyoshi Ohrai’s artwork
Blu-ray cover
Blu-ray cover
Australian daybill poster
Australian daybill poster
Blu-ray cover
Blu-ray cover

One last look at the octopus…

The octopus sneaks up on a victim...
The octopus sneaks up on a victim…

The Trollenberg Terror (1958)

It's comin' for ya!
It’s comin’ for ya!
Warren Mitchel, Jennifer Jayne and Forrest Tucker

Starring Forrest (THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN) Tucker, Laurence (VAMPIRE CIRCUS) Payne, Jennifer (THEY CAME FROM BEYOND SPACE) Jayne, Janet (DARBY O’GILL AND THE LITTLE PEOPLE) Munro, Warren (THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF) Mitchell, Frederick Schiller, Stuart Saunders and Andrew (JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS) Faulds. Written by Jimmy (THE BRIDES OF DRACULA) Sangster, produced by Robert S. Baker and Monty (BLOOD OF THE VAMPIRE) Berman, directed by Quentin (THE STRANGE WORLD OF PLANET X) Lawrence.

'The nightmare terror of the slithering eye that unleashed agonizing horror on a screaming world!'
‘The nightmare terror of the slithering eye that unleashed agonizing horror on a screaming world!’

United Nations investigator Alan Brooks (Tucker), together with journo Philip Truscott (Payne) and Professor Crevett (Mitchell), investigates strange accidents occurring on Mount Trollenberg in the Swiss Alps. Brooks thinks that these deaths, which sometimes involve the removal of the victim’s head, could be linked to similar incidents that occurred several years earlier in the Andes, which included the same weird, lurking, radioactive cloud formation. Anne Pilgrim (Munro), who is part of a mind-reading act with her sister, is staying at the same mountain hotel as the others… and she begins to sense intelligences within the cloud formation…

Anne, looking concerned, sits in the mountain observatory
Anne, looking concerned, sits in the mountain observatory
Severed head in a rucksack!
Severed head in a rucksack!
The aliens can control dead victims, turning them into killers
The aliens can control dead victims, turning them into killers

Known as THE CRAWLING EYE in the USA, this UK science fiction/horror movie is an enjoyable, low budget tale of cyclopean aliens lurking in a radioactive cloud that they can steer around the mountainside. The movie’s script was based on a six-part British TV series, which was also called THE TROLLENBERG TERROR. Actor Laurence Payne played the journalist character Philip Truscott in both the series and the movie adaptation.

A character is hoisted up into the air by the alien's tendril-like tentacle!
Philip is hoisted up into the air by the alien’s tendril-like tentacle!

The movie is a lot of fun, with obvious-but-pleasant matte paintings, model shots, decapitated victims, a siege in a fortified observatory, and undead human corpses. The real standouts, though, are the aliens, which are very cool-looking, one-eyed, blobby, vein-covered, tentacle-monsters that emit electronic wails and don’t like to be immolated with molotov cocktails!

Alan (Tucker) prepares to throw a molotov cocktail at a tentacle monster's face!
Alan (Tucker) prepares to throw a molotov cocktail at a tentacle monster’s face!
A molotov cocktail sets an alien alight!
One of the aliens goes up in flames
Alan Brooks (Tucker), with an alien burning away behind him
Alan Brooks with an alien burning away behind him

With the hint of a Quatermass vibe about it, the film has a creepy atmosphere and boasts some startling scenes, such as when one of the huge extraterrestrials smashes down the hotel door to menace a child, its single, veiny eyeball filling the doorway!

Eek!
Eek!

The siege finale is tense and well-handled, Forrest Tucker is solid as the stoic, no-nonsense UN troubleshooter who thinks on his feet, and Janet Munro brings a conviction to her role and is unimaginably cute as the psychic who the aliens try to kill by sending a reanimated dead man to attack her!

Janet Munro plays Anne
Janet Munro plays Anne
An alien-controlled dead dude strangles Anne!
An alien-controlled dead dude strangles Anne!
"I'm gonna throw a bomb at that one"
“I’m gonna throw a bomb at that one…”

I am fully aware that some folks might poke fun at the cheap, 50s-era special effects, but I think Les Bowie and Brian Johnson (both uncredited) did wonders with the meagre budget they must’ve had to play with, concocting some truly distinctive movie monsters that really stick in the memory. Great stuff!

Alien abominations crawl up the steep, misty side of the mountain!
Alien abominations crawl up the steep, misty side of the mountain!
The evil extraterrestrials climb onto the roof of the observatory
The evil extraterrestrials climb onto the roof of the observatory
A military plane drops firebombs onto the cold-loving creatures, frying them good and proper
A military plane drops firebombs onto the cold-loving creatures, frying them all!
UK DVD cover
UK DVD cover
German Blu-ray cover art by Rick Melton
German Blu-ray cover (art by UK artist Rick Melton)

Here’s a bunch of pulp-tastic posters…

US one sheet poster
US one sheet poster
Italian poster
Italian poster
US half sheet poster
US half sheet poster
US herald (one page flyer)
US herald (one page flyer)
Italian poster
Italian poster
US 30" x 40" poster
US 30″ x 40″ poster
German poster
German poster
US herald (one page flyer)
US herald (one page flyer)
US insert poster
US insert poster

THE TROLLENBERG TERROR, aka THE CRAWLING EYE, was released in a double bill with the British sci-fi-horror giant insect flick THE STRANGE WORLD OF PLANET X, which was retitled COSMIC MONSTERS in the USA. The manly Forrest Tucker starred in both of these movies! What a guy!

US pressbook
US pressbook

Okay, I can’t help it, I’ve got to include another shot of one of those damn fine aliens…

Monstrously marvellous!
Monstrously marvellous!

Hex After Hex (1982)

The giant 'living' statue is behind you, buddy!
The giant ‘living’ statue is standing behind you, buddy!

Starring Lo Meng, Lily Chan, Lau Dan and Ma Chao. Directed by Kuei Chih-Hung for Shaw Brothers.

Lo Meng's painted face is featured in the opening credits
Lo Meng’s painted face is featured in the opening credits

A ghost (Chan) purposefully causes a car crash so that she can inhabit the body of the dead neighbour of Ma Su (Meng). Calling herself Pok Pok, she begins a relationship with the muscly Ma Su, who is at first unaware of her supernatural origins.

Poster
Poster

HEX AFTER HEX begins immediately after the events of HEX VS WITCHCRAFT (1980), which was itself a sequel to the much better, much more serious first film HEX (1980).

Lily Chan plays Pok Pok
Lily Chan plays Pok Pok

HEX AFTER HEX contains the same kind of broad humour, slapstick and silly, jumbled, undisciplined storyline as the previous movie in the series. Cross-eyed actor Ma Chao, who is never one to knowingly underact, returns for a third time, playing an arsonist who has the Shaw Brothers logo branded on his backside!

Darth Vader, er, I mean 'Black Knight' appears at one point
Darth Vader, er, I mean ‘Black Knight’ appears at one point
After making a bunch of demolition workers turn naked by hitting them with his (plastic-looking) lightsabre, the Black Night disappears
After making a bunch of demolition workers turn naked by hitting them with his (plastic-looking) lightsabre, the Black Night disappears

Other briefly diverting moments involve Pok Pok taking on the likeness of a lo-fi Yoda, then invoking a Darth Vader lookalike called Black Knight, who strikes at demolition workers with his green lightsabre, magically making their clothing vanish!

Pok Pok licks a lollipop...
Pok Pok licks a lollipop…
...then she transforms into this Yoda-like creature to freak out the demolition workers!
…then she transforms into this Yoda-like creature to freak out the demolition workers!

The film’s main subplot focuses on the heartless, stingy boss of a property business, who Pok Pok sets out to bankrupt after he evicts everyone from the building that she and Ma Su were living in. Pok Pok’s scheme involves becoming the company secretary, hanging out with the boss when he gambles, then making him think the worthless horse statuettes he is purchasing are actually made of solid gold. This storyline, unfortunately, is protracted, not particularly interesting or funny, and sidelines the Ma Su character for a big portion of the running time.

Pok Pok briefly decides to look scary
Pok Pok briefly decides to look scary

Matters become more engaging after Ma Su discovers that Pok Pok is a ghost, studies skills to allow the Tai Sheung God to enter his body, and tries to banish his spirit girlfriend.

Ma Su during his ritual to bring the Tai Sheung God into his body
Ma Su (Lo Meng) during his ritual to bring the Tai Sheung God into his body

Ultimately, Ma Su retains feelings for Pok Pok and saves her from a ritual which causes a statue of Thomas Jefferson to become animated, controlled by a priest’s movements, forcing Ma Su to invoke the Monkey God into his body so that he can fight the automaton.

The statue mimics the priest's movements!
The statue mimics the priest’s movements!
The Thomas Jefferson statue reaches out for Ma Su
The Thomas Jefferson statue (which resembles Lee Van Cleef if you ask me) reaches out for Ma Su

This scene, using a quite impressive statue costume, is way more professional looking than the special makeup effects seen earlier in the movie, such as Pok Pok’s cheap ghost mask and the crummy Yoda puppet.

Ma Su jumps onto the statue's shoulders and uses Monkey Style kung fu!
Ma Su jumps onto the statue’s shoulders and uses Monkey Style kung fu!

To cap off this man-vs-statue encounter, the Thomas Jefferson statue, bizarrely, reveals itself to be a kind of slot machine and starts spitting gold Krugerrand coins out of its mouth?!

Loads of gold Krugerrands start to spill from the statue's mouth!?
Loads of gold Krugerrands start to spill from the statue’s mouth!

Everyone gets rich! Hooray! The end!

Devoted to every kind of movie and TV monster, from King Kong to Godzilla, from the Blob to Alien. Plus monsters from other media too, including books and comics.