Curse of Evil (1982)

March 8, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

It's a toothy bloody frog! — It’s a toothy bloody frog!

Starring Tai Liang-Chun, Ai Fei, Lily Li, Wang Lai, Eric Chan and Yu Tsui-Ling, directed by Kuei Chih-Hung for Shaw Brothers.

The creature from the well assaults its first victim

The story takes place in a mansion in a quiet back alley, where the members of the dysfunctional Shi family and their servants act very superstitiously on the 1st and 15th day of each month, because this is when freaky stuff can happen, due to the fact that thirteen members of the family were killed by bandits and thrown into a dry well many years ago. When a weird, pink, toothy ‘bloody frog’ is encountered, this is seen as a bad omen for sure, as this amphibian always presages ominous events. Terrible things do begin to happen, with a slimy, horned monster crawling out of the well, intent on raping and killing.

A slime-coated victim of the tentacle-monster

Kuei Chih-Hung, director of luridly memorable Hong Kong horror opuses like THE BOXER’S OMEN, CORPSE MANIA, BEWITCHED and THE KILLER SNAKES, clearly decided not to hold back when making this demented, gooey weird-fest, choosing to merge murder mystery plotting with creature feature imagery, adding exploitative sexual abuse scenes to make the movie that bit more sleazy.

Lots of goo dribbles from the tentacled creature onto its victims

Another 'bloody frog' — Another ‘bloody frog’

The story somehow manages to combine a subplot involving certain relatives trying to kill off the Shi family’s wheelchair-bound matriarch (Lai) in order to inherit her house, with footage of a demon-headed well-monster with two tentacles instead of hind legs that sexually assaults its female victims and kills them with its flesh-ripping steel teeth, with shots of a mystery figure secretly feeding offal to a pit full of spiky bloody frogs, with scenes of abusive cousin Jinhua (Fei) hypnotising one of the maids so that he can have sex with her, resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. As you can see: Kuei Chih-Hung obviously believes that enough is never enough!

The well-critter rips chunks of flesh from people with its steel teeth

After seeing this poster you wanna see the movie, right?

We get close-ups of the tentacle-monster’s extendable appendage as it sucks out the eyeballs of elderly manservant Quan and see the critter cover its female victims with pink, gelatine-like slime… and yet… it’s eventually revealed that this beast is actually fake, just a guy in a suit! This is all an elaborate set-up, of course, involving fake identities, obscure secondary characters and the matriarch herself, who is not really disabled and can become an unstoppable maniac… until she is beheaded! The unimaginably preposterous denouement would have us believe that all of the strange happenings were fabricated and nothing supernatural actually occurred, yet the film never provides a real-world explanation for the existence of the flesh-eating bloody frogs, which chow down on several people, including a bound-up maid. Did these amphibians mutate purely because they were fed lots of offal? Does it matter, really? This is a loopy film where logic takes a backseat, so that the director can focus on batshit crazy stuff like a mad granny secretly sewing costumes for a kid’s skeleton in the attic, perverted amateur hypnotism, and outrageously far-fetched murder schemes.

Bloody frogs chew on Quan's face! — Bloody frogs chew on Quan’s face!

A tied-up maid is unable to escape an attack by a bunch of bloody frogs!

The Killer Snakes (1974)

March 7, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

The main character is quite Norman Bates-like sometimes, only he's more disturbed than Norman! — The main character is quite Norman Bates-like sometimes, only he’s more disturbed than Norman!

Starring Kam Kwok-Leung, Li Lin-Lin, Chen Chun, Lin Feng and Ko Ti-Hua, directed by Kuei Chih-Hung for Shaw Brothers.

Zhihong is a poor, gawky, bullied youth living in a shack next to a snake bladder store in a rundown Hong Kong neighbourhood. When an injured cobra slithers through a crack in the store wall, entering Zhihong’s ramshackle home, he decides to stitch up the serpent’s wound and look after it, triggering a set of circumstances that will lead to Zhihong using his killer cobra, plus more reptiles liberated from the store, to avenge himself against those who have treated him badly.

Unlike Willard (1971), however, which this film is obviously inspired by, Zhihong is a far more disturbed protagonist compared to the rat-obsessed main character in the American original. In a scene where Zhihong carries a prostitute who’d tried to mug him back to his shack, The Killer Snakes queasily merges Zhihong’s desire to get back at his tormentors with his disturbed sexual urges, showing him take advantage of the woman by tying her up and licking her. Though Zhihong himself has been a victim of bullying, he does far worse, allowing his snake friends to violate his captive in a sweaty, seedy scene that uses black and white flashbacks to suggest Zhihong’s dark urges stem from childhood memories of abuse and voyeurism.

Zhihong allows his bondage fantasies to get out of hand

Starting with mondo-style footage of live snakes having their gall bladders cut out, this film is sordid and repellent in many ways, but it is well shot and lit, juggling its exploitative components expertly. Bondage fantasies, scenes of Zhihong letting monitor lizards scratch his latest tied-up female victim, a set piece involving an abusive character chopping up snakes for real with a sword before he’s constricted to death by a huge python, plus other grindhouse elements, show how this movie set its sights on offending and disturbing its viewers, a goal it obviously succeeded in achieving with sleazy ease.

Zhihong lets monitor lizards attack one of his captives

The Web of Death (1976)

March 4, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Lo Lieh opens-up the Spider weapon... — Lo Lieh opens-up the Spider device…

Starring Yueh Hua, Lo Lieh and Ching Li, directed by Chor Yuen, for Shaw Brothers.

Members of various clans hunt for the hiding place of a legendary weapon. One of these warriors is swordsman Fei (Hua), intent on finding this deadly device before it gets into the hands of someone who will use it for evil purposes.

THE WEB OF DEATH, directed by Chor Yuen, is a tangled tale of rival sects, including the 5 Venom Clan, Qingyi Clan and Holy Fire Clan, who are all immersed in a plot featuring such fantastical elements as acid pit traps and characters with the power to unleash energy beams from their hands.

Some of these martial arts masters can fire power beams from their hands

The highlight of the film is undoubtedly the secret weapon at the centre of the tale, known as the Spider. This is a hand-held smoking lantern containing a glowing tarantula that makes roaring sounds, emits deadly poisonous gas and creates massive webs that can trap its victims. The use of this curious device, which causes some casualties to develop blackened faces as they expire, adds a layer of surrealism to the film and helps make the finale very strange, absurd and spectacular.

The tarantula within the lantern is normal-sized

The faces of some victims of the otherworldly arachnid go black as they die — The faces of some victims of this otherworldly arachnid go black as they die

Everyone gets trapped within an electrified web

Although the plot can be overly convoluted at times, the film is entertaining, with colourful costumes and wonderful eye candy sets, the most impressive of which is a voluminous chamber containing stone balconies and a large, red spider sculpture.

Robo Vampire 3: Counter Destroy (1989)

February 24, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

One of the ghouls haunting the rented villa

Starring Sorapong Chatree, Sun Chien, Michelle Yim, Fan Chin-Hung and To Siu-Ming, directed by Edgar Jere, from Filmark International Ltd.

A scriptwriter called Joyce goes to an isolated rented villa to write her magnum opus about the last Emperor of China, but other film companies want to prevent this biopic from being made and will resort to murder to get their way. To make matters worse (and weird) the plot also involves hopping vampires, a crosseyed Taoist priest, a possessed phone, ninjas with automatic weaponry, poisoned lipstick, a razor-fingered spirit, a fortune-telling sacred bird, a muscular zombie-vampire that leaves sparkling footprints, an explosive bouquet of flowers, the ghost of a Ching Dynasty eunuch… and the silvery cyborg hero from ROBO VAMPIRE (1988)!

This poster rocks, even if the film doesn't! — This poster rocks, even if the film doesn’t!

The dubbing, dialogue and acting in this cut-and-paste brain-warper, which is also known as COUNTER DESTROYER, THE VAMPIRE IS STILL ALIVE and COUNTER DESTROY, achieves levels of cheesiness that other Tomas Tang productions even fail to reach. The voice work for the actress playing Joyce’s friend is especially jarring!

The various bits of unrelated footage, some from a Thai film called KILLER EYELASHES, are tenuously linked, as usual, with new dubbed dialogue ‘seamlessly’ melding it together, but all logical narrative is swept away during a finale involving the robo-warrior, hopping vampires, the Taoist priest and a ghostly vampire kid who bursts from Joyce’s rapidly-swelling belly! This brat tells a couple of vampires that they are going to pay for killing his ‘mother’, even though it was the kiddy-vamp who actually killed Joyce by erupting from her stomach! The vamp-child then proceeds to urinate on the vampires, but don’t worry, folks, the film ends with Joyce somehow still being alive?! My brain hurts…

Ninja: the Violent Sorcerer (1982)

February 24, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Does any of this happen in the movie? Ah, I don't think so — Does any of this happen in the movie? Ah, I don’t think so

Starring Simon Reed, Harry Carter, Henry Steele, Joe Nelson, Chiang Tao, Lu Feng, Chen Hung-Lieh, Angela Mao and Danny Lee, directed by ‘Bruce Lambert’.

Two dice, taken from hopping vampires, will help Mr Baker, known as the Gambling King, take over the whole gambling world! But Roger, the brother of a gambler forced to kill himself, promises to get revenge, which he does dressed as a white-clad ninja!

You’ve got to grudgingly admire the don’t-give-a-f*ck plotting in producer Tomas Tang’s spliced-together specials from Filmark International. This particular film sticks new vampire & ninja content (probably shot by action director Chiang Tao and not Godfrey Ho, who is always credited as director for these kind of movies) into footage from another film called THE STUNNING GAMBLING, which stars Danny Lee and Angela Mao, featuring gamblers betting their lives on the outcome of games, including a super-fast card-dealing challenge.

THE STUNNING GAMBLING, a Taiwanese gambler opus, provides much of the footage used in this cut-and-paste movie

Greek VHS sleeve with misleading cover art — Greek VHS sleeve for NINJA: THE VIOLENT SORCERER with misleading cover art

'The mystic knowledge of all ages is unleashed...' — ‘The mystic knowledge of all ages is unleashed…’

With ninjas being taught anti-sorcery magic by a priest, seemingly unconnected scenes located on a war movie set and in a rowdy barroom, green & white ninjas with the ability to vanish and reappear, and a briefly-seen female ghost called Rose, NINJA: THE VIOLENT SORCERER ends with the two ninja heroes and a good priest combating multiple hopping vampires and an evil priest in a normal-looking suburban living room.

Finger of Doom (1972)

February 22, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Starring Ivy Ling Po, Chin Han, Chen Feng-Chen, Hung Sing-Chung and Tung Li, directed by Pao Hsueh-Li, with action direction by Simon Chui Yee-Ngau and Chui Chung-Hok.

The masked swordsman turns out to be the other dude's brother just messing around — The masked swordsman turns out to be the other dude’s brother just messing around

A spike-fingered woman with black hair and white robes stabs men in the back of their necks with her poisoned metal talons, turning them into zombie-like minions, who dutifully carry her around in a coffin. Other men are also attacked, becoming members of the undead after their female assailant shoots metal pins into their necks. Three brothers decide to take on the local villains, including a hunchback and Chang Kung Chin, but two of the bros are transformed into undead vassals, leaving just Lu Tien Bao to avenge them.

One of the living dead minions — One of the zombified minions

...but she's actually the heroine, who teams up with Lu Tien Bao — …but she’s actually the heroine, who teams up with Lu Tien Bao

Interestingly, the spike-fingered woman is revealed to be the heroine, sleeping in her coffin merely to seem spooky and the minions she has zombified are actually bad men. Her sister, however, is really nasty and will turn anyone into the living dead with her metal pins. Lu and good sis join forces to rid the land of this evil, which is headquartered in the temple of Chang Kung Chin.

This is the bad sister: she's evil! — This is the bad sister: she’s evil!

Atmospheric, evocatively-lit sets and the story’s horror trappings definitely help this early 70s Shaw Brothers wuxia stand out. I love the cheeky ending too, where the heroine finally tells Lu what her name is… but the shot freezes, meaning we never learn what she’s called!

Child of Peach (1987)

February 19, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

What the hell is this thing?! Read on to find out... — What the hell is this thing?! Read on to find out…

Starring Lin Hsiao-Lau, Tu Chin and San Peng, directed by Chao Chung-Hsing and Chen Chun-Liang. A Chin Ke Film Company production.

Four large snowballs land in Peach Garden... — Four large snowballs land in Peach Garden…

...and turn into these green-haired warriors! — …and turn into these green-haired warriors!

High up in the Himalayas is the Peach Garden, an area of eternal springs, flowers and birds, where it never snows, thanks to the natural power absorbed by the Sword of the Sun. But a blue-faced, red-haired, fanged villain called King Devil attacks this tranquil place, steals the sword and kills the master of the garden and his wife, but they manage to save their baby by placing him inside a giant, flying Holy Peach! The huge peach whizzes down from the mountains, causes some trouble at an old couple’s home, then splits open to reveal the baby, which the couple adopt and name Peach-Kid.

It's King Devil! Boo! — It’s King Devil! Boo!

That's a big peach! — That’s a big peach!

When King Devil’s evil forces begin to attack the land, a fairy helps Peach-Kid grow up super-fast, so that he becomes a strong teenager (actually played by actress Lin Hsiao-Lao), who is ultimately able to defeat King Devil’s horrible army, which includes white-clad minions in fright wigs, a strongman with a spiked mace called Hercules, horned, green-haired warriors, a dude called Aeolus, who uses a big bag of compressed wind to defeat people, and a villainess with a flamethrower staff named Grandma from Devil Island.

Grandma from Devil Island and Aeolus... who uses a deadly bag of wind to attack folks! — Grandma from Devil Island and Aeolus… who uses a deadly bag of wind to attack folks!

This Taiwanese flick, loosely based on Japanese folklore hero Momotarō, boasts POWER RANGERS-style villains with colourful wigs, a lot of fun fantasy fighting, and a bunch of pretty novel moments, like the fight with a group of trident-wielding shark men, who have lumpy craniums and dorsal fins on their backs. As the story progresses, Peach-Kid is aided by hefty dude Melon and the former ‘guardian angels’ of Peach Garden, which are three super-powered kids that can become a bird, a gibbon and a dog… and are called Tiny Cock, Tiny Monkey and Tiny Dog.

Yes, that one kid does, indeed, have long gibbon arms!

Things to look out for include King Devil’s showdown with a puppet creature that’s made up of lots of large peaches, some gags involving drinking gibbon urine or getting pissed on by a giant peach, and a brief scene where Peach-Kid blows air down a tube into Aeolus’ mouth, which causes his head to explode! Erm, this is a children’s film, right?

Wacky, weird and fun.

This critter is made from a bunch of big peaches!

King Devil faces-off against the peach-creature!

The peach-creature squirts urine from its 'belly'... — The peach-creature squirts urine from its ‘belly’…

...which gushes into King Devil's face! — …which gushes into King Devil’s face!

Buddha’s Palm (1982)

February 18, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Directed by Taylor Wong, starring Derek Yee, Yu On-On, Kara Wai, Lo Lieh, Alex Man and Shih Kien. From the wonderful Shaw Brothers studio.

Long Jianfei gets kicked into a chasm, but he is fortunately saved by a gold-skinned, winged creature called Dameng, which is kind of like a small dragon with the face of a friendly triceratops. Dameng takes Jianfei to its blind master, called Flaming Cloud Devil, who becomes Jianfei’s foster father.

Flaming Cloud Devil feeds his pet, Dameng — Flaming Cloud Devil feeds his dragon pet, Dameng

Jianfe is taught Buddha’s Palm skills by his new dad and he’s soon swept along in a series of confrontations, as various old martial arts masters, including Sun Biling and Bi Gu of East Island, settle scores, team-up, argue or are betrayed by others.

With lots of leaping, spinning and flying characters from such groups as Ten Thousand Swords Clan and Dark Moon Clan, that perform outlandish skills like Heavenly Foot and Three Invincible Palms, this film is swamped with colourful cartoon animation force-beams, cell animated daggers, cartoon flames and so much more!

It's all kicking off! — It’s all kicking off!

One character uses Tortoise Style: the ability to fake death, whilst another master lets loose with the Wrath of Ten Thousand Buddhas Stroke, which results in loads of cartoon buddhist swastikas flying everywhere, as trees break, lightning flashes and a storm rages! That’s quite a technique!

Flaming Cloud Devil launches his Wrath of Ten Thousand Buddhas Stroke…

...which causes cartoon swastikas to fly everywhere! — …which causes cartoon swastikas to fly everywhere!

The soundtrack, very often loud and discordant, adds to the wild, off-kilter nature of the movie, helping to compliment such over the top visuals as the villain known as Foot Monster using a super-extendable leg to attack adversaries, a kid with a large facial cyst from which he can squirt acidic fluid, turning his victims into green mush, plus the unsheathed Golden Dragon Dagger that looks and sounds like a lightsaber!

Jianfe wields his lightsaber, er, I mean Golden Dragon Dagger! — Jianfei wields his lightsaber, er, I mean Golden Dragon Dagger!

Foot Monster, played by Shih (ENTER THE DRAGON) Kien, unleashes his extendable leg... — Foot Monster, played by Shih (ENTER THE DRAGON) Kien, unleashes his extendable leg…

...which can stretch really far! — …which can stretch really far!

A kid warrior squirts acid pus from his big boil!

BUDDHA’S PALM is a riotous amalgamation of sounds, cell animated power effects, insane fantasy super-fu skills and larger than life characters. Wonderful stuff!

Colourful cartoon eye-candy! — Colourful cartoon eye candy!

Okay, one more look at cute ol’ Dameng…

Dameng is always doing stuff in the scenes he's featured in — Dameng is always doing stuff in the scenes he’s featured in

The Thrilling Sword (1981)

February 17, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

Directed by Chang Hsin-Yi, starring Liu Shang-Chien, Chang Yi and Hsia Ling-Ling.

The film is also known as THRILLING BLOODY SWORD

A small fireball zips from space, falls to Earth and enters the belly of a pregnant queen during childbirth. This kills the queen, unfortunately, as a large, red, veined blob of flesh instantly shoots from her womb. The distraught king chooses not to destroy the meaty ball and has it floated away down a river in a basket instead. Seven dwarves living in Happy Forest discover the throbbing flesh-glob, which splits open and becomes a cute baby, who the dwarves adopt and call Yaur-gi. Years later Yaur-gi, now an attractive young woman, encounters Prince Yur-juhn, who is travelling through the forest on his way to visit the king of the Ku Shien kingdom.

Yaur-gi falls in love with the prince and eventually discovers that she’s the daughter of the Ku Shien king, but many trials and tribulations lie in store for her and the prince, as foxy witch-exorcist Gi-err and shifty sorcerer Shiah-ker set out to usurp the kingdom and take over Yaur-gi’s mind.

The seven dwarves contemplate the flesh-blob

Gi-err pretends to be nice... but she's nasty! — Gi-err pretends to be nice… but she’s nasty!

Also known as THRILLING BLOODY SWORD, there’s much to enjoy in this Taiwanese fantasy flick, including a cyclopean demon-monster and a multi-necked, fire-breathing dragon-beast known as the Nine-Headed Siren, which are actually the creations of Gi-err and Shia-ker, who secretly unleash the creatures so that they can look like saviours by destroying them.

It's the Nine-Headed Siren! — It’s the Nine-Headed Siren!

Prince Yur-juhn battles the many-headed beast!

We also have a fun development involving the prince being turned into a bear, then transformed back to his normal self, after which he attains some flamboyant black armour and a weapon called the thunder sword. He subsequently goes on a quest to retrieve a magic box, which involves him fighting a winged monster resembling a low-rent Mahar from AT THE EARTH’S CORE (1976), some folks with flippers called Frog Sirens, some ‘immortal’ warriors who all have a fatal weak spot, a kind of ghost-blob, a giant, floating, gnashing pair of teeth and a couple of disembodied, fleshy monster feet! After a pacy fight with these feet, the limbs finally connect with other body parts to become a bizarre flying figure… that is blown up!

Floating monster teeth! — Giant, floating joke shop monster teeth!

There’s a real crudeness to the effects, that’s for sure, but this doesn’t really detract from the quite charming fairytale nature of the colourful production, which borrows some story beats from Snow White and adds outlandish elements including a genie-like character with a head resembling butt-cheeks, a rabbit which turns into a fairy, a giant devil statue with glowing eyes, plus some perspex weapons you’d expect to see in a THUNDERCATS show.

This genie dude has ahead that kinda resembles a butt! — This genie dude has a head that kinda resembles a butt!

Secret of the Water Technique (1984)

February 10, 2023 Ken Miller Leave a comment

If you want to know what this monstrosity is, please read on... — If you want to know what this monstrosity is, please read on…

Directed by Roc (SILVER HERMIT FROM SHAOLIN TEMPLE) Tien, starring Roc Tien, Leung Ka-Yan and Lin Chie-Wen.

The former rebel monk is a fun character

Commander Lin (Tien) is framed and condemned to ten years in jail so that the son of a local bigwig can take his wife. But with the help of Ruh, a big, ex-brigand monk, Lin eventually avenges himself against the wrongdoers, though this will require a showdown in a cellar full of bizarre adversaries.

This artwork doesn't hint at the weirdness that occurs during the finale — This artwork doesn’t hint at the weirdness that occurs during the finale

Also known as THE LEGEND OF ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS, this Taiwanese production, inspired by the Water Margin novel ‘All Men Are Brothers’, offers us the chance to see a prison assassination attempt, an aggressive style of massage, a knife in the groin moment played for laughs and a farcical bedroom scene interspersed amongst the usual martial arts antics.

A knife jammed in a character's groin is treated as a joke! — A knife jammed in a character’s groin is treated as a joke!

But this film really becomes interesting and sticks in the memory once it reaches the finale, set in a large cellar…

Here we see a confrontation with a fighter in a wheelchair, who only pretends to be disabled and is armed with a razor-sharp fan and metal hoops. A crossdressing antagonist is next, skilled at hurling metal spikes, but he dies after big monk Ruh shoves a pole where the sun don’t shine. A hopping, curly-haired dead dude, who picks at the rotting flesh on his face, enters the fray to combat the monk now, flicking maggots into Ruh’s mouth! Our monk hero is badly wounded, but Commander Lin arrives to battle the ghoul, and then the fourth fighter joins the fight. Called Never Drunk, this dude sleeps in a barrel of alcohol and seems capable of breathing beneath the booze. Never Drunk leaps from the barrel, takes on Lin and, of course, he does so in a drunken martial arts style.

The hopping ghoul prepares to sink its fingers into its own white, lumpy flesh

Okay, so this ongoing cellar skirmish seems pretty offbeat, but circumstances suddenly ratchet up to batshit crazy levels when the dead ghoul’s belly begins to distend… and a red, raw-skinned, phallic critter bursts from it!

The injured monk is pestered by the weird creature!

The slimy beastie, with its snapping jaws, tiny forelimbs and snake-like tail, is like some alien monster that has strayed into this kung fu actioner from a sci-fi horror flick! If the animated pork sausage mascot from the Peperami television ads and the chestburster from ALIEN (1979) got together and had a lovechild… it would resemble this slimy penis-tadpole! It can talk, too!

The lil' monster's tail is cut off — The lil’ monster’s tail is cut off

The scumbag bad guy, who framed Lin at the start of the story, finally gets what’s coming to him when the serpentine-penile-puppet creature bites off his dick! Classy!

At one point the penis-tadpole-thingy hides amongst a pile of sacks

Devoted to every kind of movie and TV monster, from King Kong to Godzilla, from the Blob to Alien. Plus monsters from other media too, including books and comics.